sokool15

When I had fell. I agree with the others, but just wanted to point out that your grammar isn't correct here...when I had fell? Read it out loud and perhaps ...

Wow, okay...person above me pretty much covered everything. That's one heck of a critique! Pretty much a good chapter. I do like the first person a lot - it's much ...

Cool, it's all good...the only problem I can find with it is that the first two paragraphs were a little bit of an info dump and there wasn't a lot ...

All right, awesome! I love the way you're developing this story (although i am wondering how a romance will blossom here - everybody hates everybody else!) and you're doing much ...

Awwww...don't take out chapter 32, it's SO sweet! Sorry I've lost touch with this story for a while...homework overwhelms me at the moment. On the other hand, I'm rather glad ...

*wild scream* I wrote a hugely wonderful critique, and then my computer ate it! ACK!!! :cry: :evil: *deep breath* okay, let's try this again. :x David caught the girl before ...

Ooohhh. truly creepy. NOooo! Just because I'm the only one interested doesn't mean you should deprive me of hte pleasure of reading it! And one person's opinion is better than ...

He studied the place where he had called home for several centuries. Lol, that sentence made me giggle! IF he's so weak and needs to feed so badly, why in ...

Yes, it really needs to be longer...right now I don't believe it's even one page. I've read books with very short chapters, but they're always at least more than one ...

Awww....*blushes and giggles* I feel recognized. :wink: Do you know the rules for dialogue punctuation? Since I don't want to waste a bunch of space and time typing them out ...

Wow. That story took a very sudden turn from normal to abnormal! Frankly, perhaps a little too sudden. There's no forewarning, and then suddenly they're getting attacked by strange winged ...

Well, there was a slight problem again in this chapter with your 'he-him' 'she-hers' etc. Names have a purpose, you know. So...just go through the story yourself, concentrating on how ...

Very good, VERY much better than the last chapter! Getting started is always the hardest part. A nice job getting Elizabeth's creepy feelings without making us think that she's an ...

Oooohhh. *is holding breath* Vampire stalker...BWAHAHAHAAAAA (evil laugh) *hem* er...yes. I have to tell you, I don't usually go for vampire stories...because of the fact that the concept of vampires ...

Er...hem...rated 'R' for language and slight mature themes, right? I think the f-word warrants that. I liked this a lot! Very original, I loved how the entire story was based ...