I'm combining the two a) because they're both short, and b) because most of Chapter Thirty-two I'm very, very tempted to cut out. Some of it really is essential, but not enough of it for me to want it around overly much. The romantic in my says to keep it, but ... hell. You decide. ;)
Refer to map if you get confused about geography.
Chapter Thirty-two
By nightfall they were following Tsuunai down the mountain, striking for the western coast, opposite of Bano, so that they might avoid Tvaar all together. Talon and J’engar alike were eager to be on the move, especially when word broke about Daeun’s true heritage. They’d all bowed flat on their faces and laughed, though Fenn had smirked, and looked triumphantly over at one of his companions. “Pay up,” he growled, and chuckled.
Aedaan was not healthy enough to be moved, horseback or no. He was pale and sweating by the time they made camp a day later just between Tvaar and Corvul, and though Ianna spent much time beside him, healing him with her magic, he was still pale and weak when night fell again. They traveled in the darkness not to avoid heat—as was customary in J’engar—but rather to avoid notice. In this manner they managed to skirt Tvaar and its guards, and in two days made it to the emerald waters of the Gulf. They rested there, hidden in a coastal cave, for Aedaan had grown steadily worse, and no longer had the strength to ride.
Ianna fell in love with the ocean the minute she saw it. The seas beside Serrno had been dark and moody, frothing in an eternal fit of anger at the shore. Here, the waves were boisterous and merry, rolling in to crash rhythmically against a white-sand beach. When she was not tending to her king, she stripped off her robes and played in the shallows, enjoying the way the water felt against her skin.
“You should go deeper, and look at the fishes,” Daeun advised, arching his eyebrows at her. “They’re beautiful in the Gulf.”
“Deeper?” She stopped kicking at the water to stare out at the darker, more ominous sea, and Anae, sitting in the sand making castles, looked up.
“Don’t be afraid,” Anae said, clearly puzzled. “It’s just water.”
“You don’t know how to swim,” Daeun realized suddenly, looking as amused as he felt. “Well, then. I’d better teach you, hadn’t I, before that king of yours gets better?”
It was never High King Aedaan, or His Majesty, with Daeun; it was always that king of yours. He was not being condescending, nor disrespectful, but somehow she felt he did not approve of Aedaan in some way. She ignored the usage and kicked warily at the water. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“You could drown,” Daeun said, and at her puzzled look, elaborated. “You sink in the water, and when your body tries to force you to breathe because you’re suffocated, you breathe in water and die.”
“Okay, then,” Ianna said, and spread her arms wide. “Teach me.”
Daeun obligingly stripped out of his clothes and led her by the hand to where the water came up to their waists. Slowly, he took her in his arms and let her float in the water; Ianna laughed up into his face. “I never thought the waters could be so calm!” Ianna exclaimed, though to anyone else, the Gulf might have seemed too excited for anything but a quick splash about the shallows.
He smiled and dropped his arms; she did not notice, but stayed floating on the surface of the water. “The only water so large as this is the water beneath the cliff at Baevaar—the cliffs are so high if you tried to reach the waters you would die.” She moved her arms absently, staring up at the sky. “The waves rise up the height of several men to strike the cliff—even from so high you can almost feel the anger in the water.”
“Mm-hmm,” Daeun agreed, flopping down into the water with her and disappearing beneath the surface. Surprised, she struggled upward, only to realize that he’d let go, and that she’d been floating all on her own. She grinned, and turned to face Daeun. He had not risen back up from the water, but was swimming beneath the surface, arms and legs moving peculiarly.
Watching as he returned to the surface, Ianna eyed the water and then stuck her head under, only to choke because water had filled her nose. Daeun was laughing at her when she came back up. “You must blow out your nose, to keep the water out,” he explained. “Or else keep moving forward.”
She stuck out her tongue at him in a good imitation of Anae. “People aren’t supposed to be fish!”
There was a splash, and suddenly a quick flash of brown moved by her, appearing in the water beside Daeun in an explosion of water. Anae grinned at her wickedly. “C’mon, mistress, even I can swim, and I’ve only ever swam in lakes, haven’t I!”
The look on Ianna’s face tightened, and she slipped cautiously beneath the surface again, this time blowing heartily out her nose. To her surprise, it wasn’t nearly so hard as she thought it would be, and her limbs moved almost of their own accord in a sort of jerky expression of movement that sent her shooting forward.
She was enchanted.
The feel of the water sliding over her skin was beautiful and calming, like the caress of a lover. As she moved forward she realized she could see, blearily, through the water, and that below her swam hundreds of brightly colored fish, one for every color of the rainbow. She turned up her face to the air above her, gasping for breath, and exclaimed to Daeun, “They’re beautiful!”
Later he took her back down to the water, and kissed her beside the waves as the sun set. The water brushed lightly against their feet, and she clung happily to him, the smell of salt strong in the air. “Thank you,” Ianna murmured, wrapped in Daeun’s arms against the coming chill of night.
“For what?”
“For showing me this,” Ianna replied, looking up into his face, and into the eyes that so resembled the sky. “For teaching me—new things, for allowing me to see that there are other ways to live your life than through death.”
His smile was explosive. “You don’t have to thank me for that, dinsatas.”
“I want to.”
“In that case,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers, “you’re welcome.”
Chapter Thirty-three
The third night they left their camp behind, and this time transporting Aedaan on a stretcher, they rode along the beach until they reached Agulin’s lands and spent the day resting in a cave just beyond his borders. Aedaan had regained enough strength to ride the following night, and they made it nearly to Senvar by morning.
Six days they had traveled, pushing forward only so long as Aedaan could handle, and they were still a day from the J’engar-Talon border.
“Baesa,” Ianna said into the mirror, as the morning sun rose above the hills to the east and washed their camp in golden light. Her friend’s image wavered then solidified, looking solemnly up at her. “How are things going?”
“Not well,” Baesa admitted. “We’ve killed off their strongest supporters, but we can’t get close enough to kill them. They’re holed up in the castle, using His Majesty’s protections against us. I hope you intend to come home soon, majesty.”
“We need an escort,” Ianna replied. “We will be at the border tomorrow morning. His Majesty is injured, and will need to rest often.”
“Excellent,” Baesa breathed, relieved. “The entire envoy is intact, is it? That’s—what—six—eight in all?”
“Thirty,” Ianna corrected, watching Baesa’s smile drop away. “No arguments, Baesa. Bring enough water to sustain us until we can reach the hold, and provisions. We will supply as much as we can, but traveling in Talon lands is far different.”
“Yes, majesty,” Baesa murmured, dunking her head. Her image vanished, and Ianna handed the mirror back to Caelun.
“We are not suited for desert travel,” Daeun said, watching her closely. “We will hinder you.”
Her eyes flashed yellow. “I’m not going to be parted from you, or from Anae, and you need your men. That is all I’m prepared to say about it.”
His eyes softened. “Very well.”
She looked at him, taken aback, and said mildly, “That’s it?”
“I wasn’t going to fight over something I had no wish to argue about in the first place.” He popped a berry into his mouth, and smiled impishly at her. “Had to say something for propriety’s sake, didn’t I.”
“You’re worse than Anae!” Ianna declared, and the child in question rounded on Ianna with a mouthful of berries from Fenn’s pocket, cheeks and hands stained.
“Tha’s no’ fair!” Anae said loudly, voice muffled by the berries. “I’m swee’!”
“Of course you are, how silly of me,” Ianna submitted, and Anae scowled.
“You don’ mean i’!” Anae cried, advancing on her with sticky fingers.
“Away, child!” Ianna cried, scrambling away. “You’ll stain my robes, and it’ll never come out!”
And thus it came to be that a queen of J’engar ran circles round the camp, chased by a little brown imp with berry juice on her fingers.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Just one suggestion before I start. You might not want to post so often. Maybe it's just that I don't get on all that much, but it seems like you might be posting a bit too often.
. So...good job and good luck!
Err...I WAS going to critique, but it seems that I didn't find anything wrong
-Me
Awwww...don't take out chapter 32, it's SO sweet!
Sorry I've lost touch with this story for a while...homework overwhelms me at the moment.
On the other hand, I'm rather glad that I haven't seen a large gap of the chapters, because it allows me to compare your writing style. Let me tell you, you have greatly improved, and I mean that most sincerely! Your writing style keeps me interested much longer, there's less info-dumping, and your dialogue is much more natural. Your descriptions are lovely and the imagery absolutely smashing! Congratulations...your style has improved a lot.
That's a strange and ever-so-slightly confusing phrase. Try to avoid using the phrase 'sort of' in your writing, because it implies that you, the author, didn't know what you were trying to say so you generalized. Also, not sure 'expression' is the right word there...an expression of movement? Perhaps 'in awkward, jerky movements' might be a better phrase.
An explosive smile...hmmm. A new phrase, certainly, but I can't decide if I like it or not. On one hand, it's a novel idea - for a smile to explode across your face is a cool idea. But to say his smile was explosive seems a little strange...I don't know, you play with it.
Also, I thought it was a little strange that when Ianna told Baesa that His Majesty was injured, Baesa breathed a sigh of relief and laughed a little. I mean...isn't that sort of a weird reaction? Maybe make it more clear to what exactly Baesa is relieved about there.
All right, I'm done. Good job, dear...perhaps I'll go back and fill in some of my missing links with your other chapters.
Cheerio!
~MademoiselleKool