silentpages

"They sat on the floor, backs leaned against the wall." The second part of this sounds a little odd. There are a number of ways you could fix it though, ...

"Everything around me was going chaotic." This is kind of a passive way to say it, and I'm not sure passive is generally good for a first line. I'd like ...

"One day (it would be improper to say "one sunny day" in the manner of most story beginnings, as almost every day bathed the city in a dim orange glow ...

" “You always were stubborn, weren’t you, Lilly?” He doesn’t look angry or confused by the fake name. More amused than anything. Amused at what I’ve had to do to ...

""She has been dead for a month now." said I defending my point, "You loved her and you're obsessed with her even after she's gone and that's the cause of ...

"The howling of vicious barks, screeching of sirens, and roaring of motors" Howling of vicious barks sounds odd to me... I would change this line to either 'The howling dogs, ...

"Memories of that place as distant as the broken pieces of a morning dream." This line made me smile. :) Excellent way of capturing that feeling of waking up... I ...

" I realized I was lying on a bed. I felt like I was in my home, lying on my own bed, waking up from any other night. However, as ...

"Cassius was searching for a man named Taka Toyama. Last time it had been Lee KiBum. The time before that, Jason Lau. It seemed his name changed as often as ...

“Stop being so naïve, Nerissa, and act in a way a princess should.,” A way a princess should sounds a little odd, just because of the a-a thing. Maybe say ...

"“I’m not,” Jade said smiling" Not what? ;) I'm going to assume you mean she's not leaving, but it sounds kind of odd to just leave it hanging there. At ...

Starting with a character waking up from a nightmare has been done a lot, but I think it could still work just as long as you do it well. It's ...

An interesting start... Potential... My thoughts going through: I'm not terribly fond of the title. It's kind of lame and childish, like some kid sitting at a campfire saying, "Okay, ...

You're my 100th post! 8D "I know that you should lean forward when shooting a handgun, I know that you should treat every gun as if it's loaded, to be ...

Very nice. :) As on the other piece of yours that I reviewed, I wasn't expecting this formating. I realized right away that it was the same person again. XD ...