sargsauce

Holy crap, can we have anymore capital T's at the beginning of verses? There are way too many capital T's at the beginning of verses. Part of the appeal of ...

Now one needs to be careful to be writing poetry in the immediate aftermath of tragedy. You barrel in headfirst with the emotion that you feel like you're packing into ...

Ahaha, love it. I'm waiting for my food to cook, so I had nothing else to do but decode morse code. And now I'm actually familiar with a few of ...

Well written. I enjoyed it very much. Your tone is appropriate and your descriptions are spot-on. Now for the flip side: Your paragraphs are very dense and difficult to navigate. ...

Well, hopefully I'll offer a more critical view of your work. Like the fact that your parents could care less about you and what you do. They weren't always like ...

You don't need that end bit there where you've explained all. If you wrote your story well enough, then you don't need to tell us the moral of the story, ...

It's true, your rhymes are a little more unique and interesting. I enjoyed the slant rhyme of believed and need. However, your overall theme is delivered about as vague as ...

Well, it's difficult to critique it because it's hard to tell if you really do or don't agree with poetry. You should perhaps take the first person out of the ...

The beginning incident and the dialect you wrote with drew me in in the beginning. However, it quickly let me down. 1) Get rid of unnecessary words and phrases that ...

I'm glad the story has a happy ending. And that happy ending is? Toilet paper. And silverware. That made me laugh because it's so very true. You set the mood ...

The first half was great. Your language and descriptions are spot on and ring with the tone of disappointment and loneliness you were going for. And it was in this ...

I dig it. Need I say more, kiddo? Okay, I'll say more. You might have come from earth and died in water, but I could tell you that you were ...

Whoa. Uhhh. All right. Comments: 1) First and foremost. Rose doesn't come across so ruthless as to be entirely believable as a cold-blooded killer. As this is an excerpt from ...

I very much agree with abake's criticism. The first couple paragraphs I read through were all right. Your words and sentence structure were interesting enough, though I didn't really see ...

It's well written. Your imagery and word choice are sophisticated and get the point across. That said, the story could use more substance. We only know two fairly shallow qualities ...