sargsauce

Hello, hello, good sir. Long time no see. Good to see you're up and about. So my first thought is this--maybe it's because you've split it up, but the tones ...

Hello, and welcome to YWS! I've taken a hiatus, so pardon me if this review is rusty. Overall, what is your piece trying to say? I read angst, and that's ...

So you're flirting with mortality throughout the bulk of the piece. Which is always interesting, but set off track a bit by the meeting scene that's "quirky" "cute" and a ...

You are indeed working on your descriptions. But trouble is is that you're working a little too hard on your descriptions. Perhaps that's why it feels forced? Like here: "Her ...

Hullo! I'm sorry I'm so late. Well, I'll just get down to it. Overall, a very enjoyable read. It has a very cinematic feel in that it's more about what's ...

Hello! This is quite a sophisticated piece. Overall, I enjoy it for its confidence and unique perspective with a cinematic flair like a movie. There are some parts, though, that ...

Well, I hope this is just an introduction to something grander! I hope you someday get down to the nitty gritty details and flesh out a plot and characters and ...

Interesting idea, but not thought out or followed through or explored in depth. The wording is choppy and blocky and doesn't flow. It took some control whilst I was gone ...

The beginning was very promising. I was engaged by this family of 26 children and thought it amusing and I wanted to learn more. But then, as soon as she ...

I appreciate the attempt--you took your time, acted confidently, and kept your wits about you--but the piece is ultimately long winded and fails to explain enough to the reader. with ...

Pretty interesting and creepy! The ghost of one of Sam's famous parties I didn't really get this line...since when are boarded up windows a part of a party? I'm assuming ...

Not really a story. No plot or characterization or dialogue or motives. But, we'll discuss it as is. You seem to be trying to cram two different attitudes into here. ...

Simple and to the point. Depending on the situation and intent, that could be meritorious. You switch tenses a few times. You begin in present tense, go to past tense, ...

So, let's talk in generalities. 1) Proofread. If English isn't your first language, then I know it's hard, but it will make it easier on your readers. If English is ...

The story is well-written, that is undeniable. The voice is clear and accurate and you present it sensitively. And I liked the second paragraph; it was stylish and sassy and ...