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Nice story so far, definitely intrigued by this. I especially like how smoothly you are able to key the readers into Ron's emotions and thought process. My main suggestion would ...

This poem is sweet, crisp, and simple. For the rather solemn message it carries, the piece can be read out in a light, bouncy tune. Parts of your writing actually ...

This poem is a charmingly somber piece, but what I find most noteworthy about it is how intricately intimate it is. When I read this, I felt as though the ...