phoenixwriter

This is really well written! I like how you described who noticed who first (griffin and mayor, girl and rider). I also like how you made a change. Usually it's ...

I want to applaud you on your descriptions. However, there are a few things I'd like to comment on. "Shut up you moron." A gruff voice said from somewhere infront ...

I like this a lot. This poem struck a chord inside of me when I read it, and it touched me for some reason... But now I'm going to do ...

Great start! Just one thing I caught: "normal timidness," mind, I'm not quoting directly. But, I think instead of telling the readers how timid she is, she should show us ...

First off, this is an excellent beginning! Your characterization is wonderful, detailed, and clear. I love how you show how Scarlett is different, a little aggressive (I love the aggressive ...

Your plot seems pretty good, but I agree with IcyFlame. The viewer doesn't really have time to absorb other aspects of the story amid the quick events unfolding and the ...

If this were longer, I could give more advice on. But since it isn't, I will just make do with the length. This is written well. This seems not so ...

You're descriptions are very vivid and descriptive. Very nicely done, first of all! I like how you say "it made my feel in control." It really gives the reader a ...

The chapter wasn't all that bad, from what you thought it was. So relax, first off. I can get Gemma's character, and everything is pretty well developed. Just a few ...

Holy Crud, do I feel ashamed of my writing when I read your's! This was excellent! I totally want to continue reading! This is amazing! I love what you're doing! ...

I like this feeling that you give to the words. Just a few tips, though. I don't really see the rhyming scheme, and you don't have to have a set ...

I have to applaud this chapter! This one is definitely a grabber! Shape-shifters are such a welcome change of topic. Nice dialogue! I love how you describe Sherry's "most intimidating ...

Wow! I will say that you had a great hook at the end of this chapter! I don't really have much to criticize with this chapter. I like how you ...

Very good! You are a very talented writer! Your dialogue is realistic, and you include little breaks when your characters pause. I like how smooth the speaking is between Gabriel ...

This is a pretty good chapter. I have a good feel of this character's personality. However, I'm just going to nitpick my way through some typos. Hope you don't mind. ...