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Re: The Hounds of Autumn
Hi, as usual with poetry, I'll paste the bit which had most impact for me: Walking down the tunnel of trees, The wind keeps in step a little way behind ...
Aug 12, 2011 -
Re: please delete post
Well, I could totally imagine this as a movie, or a cartoon, or a comic book. Starts quickly, immediate crisis, hints of overal situation - good! Here's my detailed semi-advice ...
Aug 12, 2011 -
Re: Part of Chapter One
Right, that was a fine start of a story, the prose is really OK, no major problems. Paragraphs seem to have fallen apart though. Anyhow, the two major things are ...
Aug 12, 2011 -
Re: Why hellooo!
And lo the Lord said striketh downeth the Wicca with thy stone or sea shell or knobby sticketh upon the Wiccan cranium, for the trumpet of the glory calls the ...
Aug 8, 2011 -
Re: Boys in PE
Dear Empress, this poem reminded me of the Lila: An Inquiry into Morals philosophical novel by Robert M Pirsig, where similar internal events take place, but inside a man, and ...
Aug 6, 2011 -
Re: Dear Dad
Hi, this was the bit which plucked me out of my current space-time coordinates and sent me tumbling: "When I tip-toed along your bear-like snoring, To sleep next to mom ...
Aug 6, 2011 -
Re: Ezekiel Eminent
Hi Abyss, that's a big story you have there. It clocks almost 10 000 words - that's in the Novelette category. It's a little book. You should probably break it ...
Aug 3, 2011 -
Re: What a Wonderful World.1 [deleted]
Hi, Button, I also respect the 'near future' scenarios, have actually written a few myself :) so I find myself more or less at home with the plot, minus the ...
Jul 31, 2011 -
Re: Lust
Empress, this is a fantastic piece. Two minor things caught my attention. 1. The very first line stands aside. Probably a kick-off line which helped you gather momentum, a grain ...
Jul 23, 2011 -
Re: Threads and strands
Hi, Cat A very meaningful and straightforward little poem. A few possible suggestions: Life is formed by threads and strands To try to walk them is to fall. I'm broken ...
Jul 16, 2011 -
Re: A Soul Untouched
Hi Kayla, here are my two gallons of blood. "Declin! Get back here!" she cried as he ran towards the woods. Her voice faded as he moved farther away. The ...
Jul 10, 2011 -
Re: Prologue & Chapter One
Hi, Laylaflame, this is a very charming story. Or, it has the potential of being a very charming story. Some sentences and paragraphs are slightly off the mark, subtly wrong ...
May 23, 2011