ohhewwo

I really like the style you used for this. Very "talky," but not vernacular, you know. The first line got me on this one. It was really interesting. This was ...

Very good. You really did the enjambment well.

I liked it a lot. You've got a lot of talent for a youngster :wink: The only thing I think hindered your story was the description of clothing. Most guys ...

Yeah, it sounds just like every other teenager-written song ever. It needs something else. It's to ... you know, "so what?" you could say. Again, it just sounds like everything ...

Aniar, you do realize that on the home page it said in big letters "DO NOT POINT OUT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?" Just checking.

Yeah, it was kind of too literal for me. Most of it was to, you know, vernacular, and a little bland. It just needs some touching up. Nice work over ...

Pretty good. Not particularly haunting, or anything, but I liked it. I especially liked the line(s) about the boys with dry tears.

I like this one a lot. I liked the way you named characters and described them. ... Which was the whole poem, but, I like it! Were these people real ...

Oh yeah, and If ever you get access to any recording equipment, it'd be cool if you posted some of your music on a website. You know, like Pure Volume ...

Yeah, the only time I go to the mall is because I'm totally desperate to do something, so I just get my mom to drop me off at the mall ...

This was great also. I had to read the end aloud. I like the repeated lines. They held everything together. I could see everything and feel everything that you described. ...

The poetry that I'm talking about, I ussually don't get a chance to write down. By the time I get a pen and paper in front of me, I forget ...

This is a really good poem. I could kind of tell what you were talking about the way you put it because it was kind of my style of poetry, ...

This is better than "Changes," but it didn't knock me out or annything.

This was a really great piece. But I think the "sooo" can be cut into to just "so." If you want to put emphasis on it, then just italicise it.