number32

I loved this! I didn't find the repetition annoying at all. In fact, I found it really funny. Tom's thoughts were great! XD The beginning was very, very good, it ...

A few mistakes which need correcting: The music blared away, melting in [Don't need in] with the drunken calls and horribly off-key singing so prevalent at night clubs, especially Full ...

I agree with the others on how the chapter lacked a little bit. I think adding another paragraph would've helped a lot. I also think that the text conversation was ...

I really liked it! Although, I think you used the word 'he' way too much when talking about Micah. group of three boys walked across the courtyard and came inside. ...

I think I'll start by nit-picking a little. I know it can be annoying but it will help you improve! Then I'll proceed to give you my own opinions on ...

Punctuation, especially in the dialogue, needs to be worked on. I was particularly interested in this part, so I think I'll talk about that: “Don’t you dare lay a finger ...

It sounds pretty interesting, although I'm not sure about what's going to happen next! That 9-year-old sounds much older than she is, maybe making the narrative slightly more child-like? Although, ...

I love, love, love it! Immediately I've connected with Gemma and feel for her. Yeah, might need a little more detail but still amazing. I really want to read more ...

Again, the description is beautiful; I can really picture the countryside in my head. I still can't connect with midnight too well, perhaps as the story progresses even further it ...

It's written really well but I couldn't connect with Midnight very well. I think you didn't describe her PERSONALITY enough, it might be because it's only the start of the ...