niccy_v

I can't say there is anything to actually correct. It was amazing. fat lot of help i am *slaps self* but that was brilliant. Nitpicks: computer No need for italics. ...

Okay: It's quite good. I enjoyed it. But: -her reaction is a little stiff. I'd expect a whole lot more to be going on in her head (try and italics ...

While there is nothing wrong with it... - Why is the boy so mature? If it wasn't for you saying kindergarten i would've assumed someone older. Acrylic? For example. When ...

It has a good plot and i can see where it is heading, but you are taking things way too fast. You are rushing and there is no need to. ...

It was all right, but didn't reallyb catch my attention. Creeped Is not a word nice Is a horrible word I can feel my eyes popping out of my head. ...

I did not find it confusing. I read the plot and so i had a good idea. My crit is mainly just comments (i went wild on this i am ...

Give people time. It's needing a lot of work, but still, i think you've pressed the fast forward and it's very jumpy. It's too fast and there is not much ...

Okay so this is good, but erm, Bubba + Roxy are dogs right? You need to let us know who is what and who is who because it was all ...

This is incredibly rushed. Two weeks later, we were up for a match with Glendale High School What happens until then? Not good. We won!!!! Oh and the 'we won ...

Hmm much better But... she's awful! Her sterotypes are cruel and undeserved. The cheerleaders have done nothing to her, neither have the jocks actually (back to first chapter) and so ...

Nice job, but you should do some horse research. maybe it's me, being me, a huge fanatic of the creatures and my OCD on them. The sound of horse hooves ...

Again, i think you may have dropped it But still i shall edit it. I saw nothing majorly wrong, but i do think you need to spruce your dialogue up. ...

OKay so you've probably shelved this for bigger and better but i liked it, and the title was too enticing to turn away :roll: First issue: Too much showing. You're ...

Your main issue here is distinguishing her inner thoughts and just the things for the story. Like her seeing things and the happenings, then there's her thoughts. All so confusing! ...

I agree with KJ, who's said a lot of what i wanted to. There is no reason for the argument, you have not based much of a reason any way. ...