mikerbuddy1

Hey storyweaver, thanks for reviewing "cast in fire". When you have time, could you look at the revision and tell me what you think? I would really appreciate the help! ...

I agree with the above posts about being a work in progress. There is definitely potential here. The rhetorical question to start the poem is a nice way to state ...

Too many adjectives. They interfere with the story. Also, far too many metaphors. (Katana, hobbit, himalayas, Bob Marley, piranha, vampire etc...) You come off as trying to please, trying to ...