The Neverending Battle

I agree the the posts above, the poem should be a little more descriptive. Less sentence fragments in the poem would be nice, in my opinion. Overall, it's pretty good, and I like how the poem looks kind of like a staircase, like this "battle" is taking the people lower. Again, just my opinion.

I agree with the above posts about being a work in progress. There is definitely potential here. The rhetorical question to start the poem is a nice way to state intention. It presents a question to provoke the reader into thinking with you (the writer). Rhetorical questions in poetry can be effective at leading the reader from thought to thought, but can be invasive if they're just questions. It tells the reader that you're not really sure about it yourself. You should only willingly let the reader take command. The line "But blood for blood?", though you may have wanted it in there to promote reflection, really doesn't seem to work.

The preceding line "it must end" seems to create a halt in the flow of the poem. It is a stopping point either for the poem itself, or for a thought. Also, from the tone and subject matter of your poem, it's obvious to the reader that you're promoting the view that man must work together to stand against the hellish demons. "It must end" works well at the very end of the poem, but I don't believe that it's well placed in the middle later part. It would have more strength at the end of the poem if it was only stated once, as a finality.

I think you should elaborate more on your subject as well. Bulk the poem up, add some more descriptive wording for this battle. I would love to hear more about the battle, or the potential of battle and what it will take to bring man together, or a more descriptive wording of what's being fought for or against.

I liked the potential of your poem. You've got a nice piece of marble here, one that has begun to take shape. Carve, sand, break, mold and make it a statue.

Good work, keep it up!

This is very nice but like the post above it still is a bit of a work in progress. I do like the flow but its just a little choppy. Personally i would expand each line just a little bit to paint a picture into the readers mind. But really apart from that this is a great piece of work and i see lots of potential in you as a writer. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

This poem feels to me like it's still a work in progress. You're stopping very abruptly, without having developed anything of importance, and there's nothing that really catches my attention in a positive way.

Also, a couple of notes:

Faces stare, but do they see?
All seeing eyes overlooking the deed.

While the atrocities grow in size,
Swell in number.

hellish demons

Hi, I'm Freak!
I really liked this poem and I found only one thing wrong with it:

To protect their fellow man