mikedb1492

The boy had no idea what the soft, grainy stuff that scratched his skin was, but it certainly wasn’t [s]be[/s] his bed. staring at the little white sheet-looking thing Replace ...

which is why the storyteller sat on a stump outside the blacksmiths' often, where Laurence was apprenticed. This would flow better if you take the word 'often' and move it ...

Hey, Jessica B. I'm glad you got a name figured out for this. 'Untitled' wasn't quite as good... Anyway, I didn't read the other reviews, so, like last time, pardon ...

Just so you know, even one of your chapters is considered a little long for a post, so all three is way too much. I'd suggest you just put chapter ...

I'm short on time, so I didn't read the other reviews, so pardon any repeating. So far, nothing peculiar had happened, which iniself was By 'iniself' I think you mean ...

It was common knowledge among the students at the Academy that he was the leader of the Freedom Fighters, a mysterious band of rebels who devoted their considerable skills to ...

A mass of extremely curly red hair was piled on top os her head. You mean 'of' not 'os'. They wore black tight-fitting black leather suits You said black twice. ...

She would have been happy to stay like that to if her horse hadn’t suddenly let out a snort of alarm. You need an extra 'o' in 'to'. You do ...

A young woman walked down the dark empty hallway. Whenever you have two words describing the same noun, you need a comma between them. So put one between dark and ...

I'm not sure what to think of this one. It was interesting, but more of an outline of someone's life than a story. It could almost be an introduction to ...

The sun beat down on us, matting my hair to my shoulders. I'm not sure sun alone could do that. Maybe integrating sweat as a factor would make this better. ...

Meanwhile, John writhed in agony his cells, one by one, ventured put 'when' after 'agony'. Wow, that was weird. This was probably the most randomly weird thing I've ever read. ...

I could taste the breather's fear on the tip of my tongue, it's bittersweet tang entwinined itself You mean its not it's . When you want to say it is ...

The captain didn’t speak for a moment and Serge knew he was confused by Amaury. “Inspector,” secretary Macron begin in a rush, You mean 'began' not 'begin'. “Already I’ve been ...

“Neville!” Gran shouted up the stairs, “Neville!” She shouted again a second later. I'd get rid of everything after 'stairs'. An hour later… Don't show passing of time in this ...