mikedb1492

“Alright. If you want to follow me, please.” Draco replied. Unlike the rest of the story you put put the word 'replied' instead of 'replies'. Remember, you have to keep ...

It was [s]a prettily[/s] decorated with carved flowers and woodland scenes. 'Prettily' isn't a word I'd use here, or in too many other places. Also get rid of the 'A'. ...

Ok, here's what I think. “Who is that?” Ansem (aka: Riku) said... Don't put aka: Riku. In fact, refer to Riku as Riku throughout the entire story. Everyone there knows ...

"I'm here, Sev! Oh, Sevy, please hurry!" This is just me, but I thought 'Sev' and 'Sevy' are a little too weird for Snape to be called. . She was ...

I agree with OverEasy in the fact that this was more of a blurb than anything. Now to the review. 1) You definitely need to space this thing out more ...

Fog walked slowly through the small town, so thick you could cut it with a knife. I liked this except for the word 'walked'. It just doesn't fit fog very ...

‘Janus, what’s that I can smell on your breath?’ Janus grinned at his Lieutenant. ‘Spearmint chewing gum, sir. You want one?’ Perfect. I like the way you did this. A ...

Two youths leapt from the boat and began to tie it off as the girl, man, and a woman moved along the shore, taking in the surroundings. Put the word ...

It didn’t work, it kept going out. Use a period instead of a comma. So I look around, and there It's 'looked' not 'look'. You have to stay past tense. ...

“What is with men and boys and battles? Just say "What is with men and battles?" You do this because saying 'men' implies all of the male sex and it ...

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I thought to myself with a sense of dread . I personally wouldn't capitalize those first words. Also, use a comma instead of a period ...

I sat up and recognizing the voices as my parents, I yelled back, Use a period instead of a comma after 'parents'. “How did that dog get in here??? Only ...

Watching her with disdain he erased every hint of kindness from his pale features Put a comma after 'disdain'. The smile vanished off Roger Moneros face as thought I think ...

Well, looks like you're new here, so your mistake is forgiven. You have to seperate the paragraphs by putting an extra space between them as shown below. This is paragraph ...

“That little bugger… That's out of character for Hermione. She wouldn't say that. Hermione had unbuttoned her trench coat, revealing a form-fitting black minidress that—shockingly—didn’t rea