marzipan

Wow, I didn't think anyone would actually read this. The rest of them are up now.

Very nice, your writing technique is excellent enough to make this an interesting and engaging piece. I think most corrections have been pointed out, anyway, just wanted to let you ...

This was full of imagery and music - actually, it could easily be a song. I really loved the mystery and sadness behind the words...sad in a thoughtful, peaceful sort ...

third paragraph, bridge-type-thing is supposed to go And he hums to himself as he struts down the streets Knowing he’s right, ensnared in dirty sheets Let’s pity him and laugh ...

If you used proper grammar, it would be a lot more powerful. I agree, I like the last verse.

That was actually thoroughly enjoyable. Never listen to that sort of thing, but maybe I would if it was all like that. Good, simple but thoughtful lyrics, heartfelt content, and ...

Thank you'se all! I really was stuck on it and all your comments help. I shall change it soon. "You" started off as my friend, cos I was watching her ...

Hehh...thank you all's. Yeah, it actually didn't occur to me until you guys pointed it out about the midriff/gender confusion. I was thinking midriff = mid = middle = towl ...

It took me a while to realize that they're fairly repetitive. You read one, you've read 'em all. Still, I can't say that I didn't enjoy them when I was ...