lilymoore

Hey there Conrad! Plenty of people already did the nitpicking but I figured I could still give an overview. Here goes. Word Choice Here is one of the major concerns ...

Aushy, I finished reading chapter 5, but I forgot to review…oops! *huggles for being so late* Plot Okay, you know I have to mention…OMG, looong. But that’s not so much ...

Okay, Antigone, I’m going to agree with you about how you how it is in fact a bit corny. But…I will say this…it can become better. I’m not going to ...

Hey, I begged for something to review and I got it. *whispers to self* Yessss! Her hair was wavy, long and silvery blonde, and her eyes, wide and almond shaped, ...

Okay, Abby, I’m not sure exactly why, but YWS or you really formatted your story funny. Now I’m going to be honest, this needs a lot of work as far ...

Hey there, eddykins. Dialogue Okay, Evi made a very good point in her above review. Dialogue is one of the best ways to reveal aspects of your character that you ...

Whoo, 4475 words. My advice next time you have a chapter this long, break it up into pieces. Just post the title as The Love Note, chap. 3 part 1 ...

Hey there, lily here as requested. Sorry I’m a little late, I forgot to check my Will Review Thread. Well, Rosey seems to have done a major review so I ...

I’m back and yes, I had plenty of time to come review this for you. Here, I honestly don’t have any nitpicks here. This part is far shorter and that ...

First off, Wooster, your avatar is a major distraction, have I ever mentioned it. You can just get so distracted staring at those shifting faces. Second, well, I’m sorry it ...

I’m back Scribe! The two words could not have been more flat, empty or cold. Even among other vampires, Vanaman was not welcome. His hair writhed in a tangled mess, ...

Hey Scribe, told you I would review it and here I am. *run tackles Scribe* The sky was a shroud of heavy shades of black, red, blue, shifting uneasily, empty ...

So, you ask for a harsh critique but I can’t seem to do it because this is wonderful (at least as far as the imagery goes) and it has a ...

It’s today. Today is the day when I’m supposed to return to the place I came from. This is a wonderful opening. Not too much is given away but enough ...

Hey Sarah! Review time. Plus, I’m sort of trying to keep up with June so power review. In front of me lightening lit up the sky like the fireworks we ...