liehart

'Seeing the smoking remains of Asha's home cast a dark cloud over her.' As a first line, this feels more like telling than showing where I think showing would be ...

The description of Asha using her magic was very beautifully written. Perhaps my favourite thing about this world is the rules you've set up around how mages use their power, ...

[The blank comment is a mistake, sorry!] This is a really interesting premise, I like that you've made the link between the two characters and the alternate point of view ...

That's a really good cliffhanger, I really like the premise of this! The tone is great, I'd only say that using terms like 7:00 feels a little anachronistic, (in a ...

I really like how, even though its the first chapter, the reader feels like they've known Asha for ever. The characterisation is really strong, I even feel like I have ...