jonny911

10,853 words... I'd finish it, divide it in half and put it in the advanced critiques section. If you don't want to spend all the points, break it into 5 ...

Hilarious! Writing should be fuunier these days, and this is definitely fuuny. I hope you have more stuff like this!

Great song! Excellent intro. I'd put some work into making it longer ...maybe another verse and an outro?

It's interesting but you present the facts in a boring, repetitive way. I've you had been a little more focused on "fun" and less on "facts" (semi-metaphorically speaking) then it ...

finally, someone who appreciates swim gogles! and for the story... thank god for randomness

I'd read it, but I heard it drags on too long. On not a big fan for "fluff" in books. But after this, I'll really consider reading it.

awesome story, great modern assasin story. Please give us a sequel! Other than that, keep writing!

I like it, and it's so true. You get points for thinking outside the box and writing what really matters.