inthebeginning

Okay so without wanting to sound harsh, this is a bit cliche and needs some work. For starters, if this is an entire chapter, then you may want to consider ...

Thanks for the review. And don't be afraid to say what you think, I'm not looking for nice comments I'm looking on ways to improve. As for the whole cliche ...

Thanks for your review! This is sort of going to be the middle of the book - so a lot more will be discovered about the characters as the story ...