ink_on_fire

Hey Lucy, nice poem. It's very emo, but when you think bout it, everyone feels like this at least once in their lifetime :) A trickle of blood Ran down ...

Hmm, all I thought about was the Go, go, go bit. Snagged me and I have to admit, I didnt enjoy reading it from thereon. But you have rhythm :) ...

Nice :) I think you meant my instead of might Hands tighten round might throat Perhaps some punctuation at the end of some of the lines? Silently sitting; contemplating, These ...

Good stuff :) Love this bit The first time, and the last, I said As I flicked the ashes off the end, After this, I'm through. The mixture of action ...

:) Beautiful work. I thought it was great how it flowed without a structured rhythm. Maybe a little bit of punctuation would add to the flow. Also, there are a ...

Hey Overall I think this is an average story. But the way it's been written seems to show me you have something worthwhile to write- you just can't get it ...

Ok, firstly... I have no idea the pattern or rhythm for this poem. There's no structure and no rhyme... It was hard for me to read without one of these ...

This was awesome. The twist at the end makes it. Like everyone else said, the first stanza could be lost. I can't describe exactly how, but this poem seems to ...

Haha i must admit I nearly laughed out loud when you mentioned penguins for the first time :) Is not expected at all. I like that. But there definitely does ...

Good stuff :) Love it. You may have meant just because I was there instead of just because I there . And yeh the caps don't work very well. Italics ...

Hey I liked alot about this poem but i think the main thing was the second-last stanza and the way you brought your self-consciousness alive. There were heaps of spelling ...