cooldude19967

I'm sorry to say that you lost me after the first 5 lines. I kept reading hoping it would get clearer, but it didn't really help. I think it might ...

Overall zankoku_na_tenshi nailed almost everything I was going to say. One thing I'm wondering about, is what it it that the mom has done to them that has shaken them ...

In the beggining of this you said We were still in the meadow that surrounded my house-and their apartments- when we heard The Voice. “Castra. Castra. Castra.” It whispered on ...

As other people have said, your main character has been well developed, but you need to develop the other pixies more. What I noticed was that it would be nice ...

I really liked this piece. You're right, in every school there is this kid. I liked how you ended almost every sentence with, "But I do." One thing is, you ...

Wow. That's depressing. I really like the way you portrayed the boy in the last line, for some reason that stood out to me the most. Overall though I could ...

I'm not sure why, but I really, really like this. I think you've hit on a very good idea, although it's rather strange reading the epilogue first. I almost feel ...

Your story is good. I needs editing to get rid of a few simple mistakes, but I agree with Todge about the unique way your MC found out about her ...

Hello! This is a really, really long piecve of writing, and I'd think you'd get amny more people editing it if you broke it into pieces. Anyways, because of the ...

The main thing I noticed was how the first paragraph seemed almost choppy at first. I think that you talk about so much in that little sapce that even though ...

I'm sorry, but I really didn't like this one. It was really dark, which must have been your intention, but the title didn't fit at all. The Perfect Murder? There ...

OK, the main beef I've had through out this entire script, and now I can finally give it to you. Why is Prate in this piece? He hasn't spoken a ...

I noticed that after Blaine makes a profound statement about Mute dieing Sage doesn't acknowledge it at all but just tells him to go on with the story. That seemed ...

I found the part when they were talking about why Sage was down there for two years remarkably hard to decipher, and I didn't realize that he knew he was ...

Still enjoying this. And I was pretty close on the ages to. Anyways, in this particular bit what jumped out at me was Sage's long monologue, and to tell the ...