chocoholic

I really liked this piece. It was funny, erhaps a little bit unrealistic, but overall really good. The thing is, it;s very short. I can see this being part of ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! First of all, I'd like to take this chance to direct you to your rules. It's both polite and required to make at least two ...

I liked this. It was sweet and emotional, but it was more about the music and lyrics than about emotions. I had trouble putting a god tune to your verses, ...

I thought this was well written, but like has been said before me, not much wias in there. here are artists of today who do make music for the joy ...

It had been exactly seven days, four hours, sixteen minutes, and one billion nanoseconds since she had started her diet. Great opening! The only thing I would comment on , ...

Here I am, here I am. “Landon!” Henry said. I'd put in some emotion here. Happliy? Something like that. The chimpanzee I did not expect that. So, in case you ...

“Well, I’ll watch the helm,” Kross said to Henry. “I was a Captain’s mate when I was a younger lad. I probably have the most ship smarts around here,” he ...

Before I critique this, I want to say that the font you have this in is really annoying. I'm changing this to an easier font in Word, ut next time ...

First of all, why do you say this is unfinished? It seems pretty complete to me. Second, you really need a better title for it. It's a really good piece, ...

awake before you started Just thinking, it would sound better if before was in italics. I’ll go plot the maps. Plot the maps? It may just be that I know ...

Here's my crit... I awoke hours later in the bunk I think you shoudl say, a bunk. The, implies that it's hers and she's already been there, and unless I'm ...

This usually wouldn't be something that would interest me, but I quite like this story so far. I thought your opening line was really good, and it set the story ...

I'll try to help as much as I can... Siren 1: Dear sister - look at me - let me speak, on matters of the heart. I think you'll find ...

guzzle the Bud What's 'the Bud'? “If I answer,” he said, “That gives the impression that something like this has happened before. That’s not the case though. I can guarantee ...

This was really, really sweet and very well written. I really meant no harm. I'd get rid of the really. Ever since we buried her in the cemetery on that ...