carbonCore

So this is based on Rome's origin story, yes? The twins Romulus and Remus. I have a book with a whole bunch of wolf-related legends, so I've heard of it ...

I'm glad to see that you've added the crown bit we had talked about earlier, but I'd still recommend a re-write (even though we both agreed that those are nigh ...

Heya IKW, Well, this needs some work. While the idea of parallel worlds (and forbidden worlds) is interesting, I found a few problems with the text itself. - Polishing. You ...

Hi, Syn. This review will be rough. - Style. you constantly use words like "I guess" and "stuff" and "literally" and "I swear". This is not literary writing. Your piece ...

I don't know what this is actually called in high-brow literary analysis, but I call it an "explained metaphor" - that's what you've got going here. There's a metaphor - ...

I hope I'll catch some new things with this read-through. Animals accompanied the trees they depended on to death’s door. I had to re-read this a few times in order ...

Subratoo had been my best friend since we were four. We played together, we fought over small things, we backed each other in times of need. Then, my father was ...

I think you meant "The Book of Genesis", not "Gensis". Also, "The UnBible" makes me think of something that cloaked Satanists chant out of while sacrificing ten thousand virgins to ...

A fun idea you've got going here. Shame you've used blue beams - my "element" for the current contest was to have the colour blue play an important role in ...

This story reads like a big, great metaphor for something - and I don't mean just the simple theme of "sometimes beautiful things are bad". Hopefully I'll figure out exactly ...

Second person works for this piece. My personal opinion on second person is that pieces written in it come in two varieties: either deeply emotional pieces written compulsively, on a ...

A great story! Very fun. Very fun to read, very fun to think about. Good to see an apocalypse story that doesn't take itself as seriously as the rest of ...

BigDaddyDawg hits the nail on the head there-- the story itself was confusing, odd, and overall not as enjoyable as I think you could have made it, but it's the ...

A very good flash, I liked it. Your prose reads as if you are somebody who gets inspired mainly by music and art, not literature. If that is so, then ...

As I told another beloved YWSer once, "My mind was blown by all the pretty words and sentence structures, of course, but it was blown so hard that I forgot ...