carbonCore

This story has no plot, and therefore cannot be judged as a story. It seems like a diary entry more than anything else, because it describes the feelings a person ...

Readability / Style Reads smoothly, like a baby sliding down a warm butter mound. My eyes keep going, and if there were pages, I would be turning them. You don't ...

When I read this yesterday night, I initially thought that this was just another one of those half-baked attempts at starting a novel, because at a glance, there doesn't seem ...

Midterms have a way of sneaking up on you, and aside from all the other joys they bring, it seems I am late to the party in reviewing this piece... ...

This story spends about 85% of its text describing a single feeling. That's not to say that these stories don't have their place in this world, not at all, but ...

Hi Vet. Well, as I said before, I liked this. But I liked it mainly for what Jabber liked it -- the tone and the voice. I re-read this a ...

Let's take a look at your story from another angle, shall we? You are little Bobby, a Grade A Christian eleven years of age. You go to Church and all ...

So this was pretty good. The atmosphere was clearly distinguishable against the background din of other story elements, and there was a definite feeling to the prose here. The single-line ...

So since you say this was an introduction to your Rp character, you say that this wasn't really intended as a story per se -- in that case, I'm going ...

So it's going to seem self-serving of me to apologize now after asking you to post something like this and then becoming too tied up in my own affairs to ...

I will be quick to point out that this forum is called "Fantasy Short Stories" rather than "Fantasy Disembodied Scenes", but I see that you've asked specifically to be judged ...

To Ignatius and Caley: remember, my dears, that we are in a forum called "Fantasy Short Stories". I cannot think what gave you the idea that Tigersprite was writing about ...

So let's take a look at this story from another angle. I'm not 100% sure how much research you did before writing this, but I'll be frank: how is being ...

There are (appropriately) a lot of little things in this story which coalesce real nice-like into something else. Smyling pointed out that they were lovers, but the pink crib suggests ...

The words "complete story" caught my eye, but it seems as though I was a victim of false advertisement. This seems less a story and more a prologue. I will ...