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canislupis

  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: The Exodus - Prologue [NaNo Entry]

    Hi there! So, I like this. It's short, too the point, there's no backstory, and it leaves me wanting to read more. Superhero stories aren't exactly the rarest of things, ...

    Nov 28, 2010
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Kettle Corn (continued)

    Hi there! I haven't read the first bit, but I'll do my best with this. She reached up and pulled the elastic out of her hair, letting it tumble down ...

    Nov 28, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Spirit Walker: Chapter two

    Hi there! I haven't read the previous chapter, but I'll give this a try based on what's here. The Seven Tribes Of The First War Before the time of the ...

    Nov 28, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Pen Pals Since Ever

    I got up at six-thirty still feeling tired. Today was just the first day of sophomore year. The sun was shining into my room which made me feel a bit ...

    Nov 27, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Assasen Prolog

    Hi! First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you love the site as much as I do. It's great that you're already posting and getting the hang of the ...

    Nov 27, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Deleted

    Hi there! I see you're sortof new, so welcome! I'm glad to see you posting already. Anyway, I like this prompt--there are so many things that could happen! And you ...

    Nov 27, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: The Cherry Code- Prologue

    I actually wrote this review this morning, but then my computer crashed! But let me get to the review for a second time. :D Some of it might not apply ...

    Nov 27, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: All Over (YWS Lit Journal 2011) (Draft One (Obviously)

    Hello! I like this--it's short, and punchy, and the writing's good. Just a few things. You mentioned tenses. Second person is hard to pull off well, especially in past tense--so ...

    Nov 27, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Ali's Hot Dogs *Edited*

    Hi! I don't think I've reviewed anything of yours recently. Anyway, here goes! I like this piece--your writing is pretty good, and I liked the cute relationship. The biggest problem? ...

    Nov 26, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Can You See Me? (Chapter One)

    Hi! I like this. A few nitpicks, first. He shut his eyes tightly as he looked down at the grass that covered his front garden. His heart slid up his ...

    Nov 22, 2010
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The Forger's Apprentice

    Hello! This'll have to be quick, my internet time is running out. Anywho. Point number one: we have known eachother TOO LONG. Our brains have melded. I'm saying this because ...

    Nov 21, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: A Box Full Of Dreams

    I love this. It has a certain dream-like quality that I just... well, love. It's faded, like childhood memories, but still vivid, which is one of the reasons I liked ...

    Nov 19, 2010
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Heathen Rites

    The thud of hoof beats was loud around them, as they charged down the cut path that lead down the hill to the deeper valley below. I'm pointing this out ...

    Nov 16, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Can You See Me? (Prologue)

    Hey Skins! First of all, from skimming the reviews I can see you've already changed this quite a bit and from what I can see it's a lt better--but I ...

    Nov 15, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Guardian Angel

    He hestitated by the door and slowly tapped the neutral walls. How are walls neutral? He hestitated by the door and slowly tapped the neutral walls. He watched the elderly ...

    Sep 29, 2010


The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle