brix_strat

Tamia looked up at the stranger sitting across from her, lips determinedly pressed together . I think there might be a way to refrase this. To me, it sounds slighty ...

It may be just me....but in the begining...you use "he" alot. Try not to reapeat it over and over, but rather cut straight to the action. So instead of: He ...

I'm addicted....addicted i tell you! TEll me what happened next! I loved it...i think there might be a better way to transition to the egg part though... I'm not sure ...