boombas4

I feel as though you are seeking to write as another person. It is as if you are trying to uphold this maturity you know nothing about. If you were ...

I understand what you are trying do, but it is all disconnected. It is more so a jumble of lines masked by dialogue. Remove the fluff and reveal the emotion. ...

It is a well thought out piece but some suggestions are needed. Do not start a sentence off with "For" or "But" as this is not correct. Use punctuation to ...

The structure is a bit odd but the anger and emotion are clear, tap into that. Find your emotions and unlock the power and potential. You are hiding under a ...