blaster219

Nendo's reaction is, in my opinion, very realistic. I'm not sure of it was intended, but there is subtle shift in his reaction as well. At the start he seems ...

I agree with some of the other comments in regards to the repetition. I get the impression that you're introducing the main protags of your story one by one, giving ...

“Oz, come with us, and don’t be a moron.” So much better than "Come with us if you want to live" :D “But we decided to carry on, regardless. So, ...

And no one could survive a fall from that height. I'm not entirely sure if the "and" is necessary here. I would suggest either remove it or change the previous ...

“You can read?” Heh :-) I love that a street kid being able to read is more surprising to him than the ability to resist time magic or the ability ...

Light came out from the large and seemingly powerful computers. This sentence feels a little clunkly Breathing heavily, he handed me a package and a bag pack. “Go… It’s too ...

Fantastic, simply fantastic. This is one of the best I've read here since I joined the site. I also finally get the meaning of the title :-) As to the ...

There a number of missing words and garbled sentences. A few minor errors in punctuation as well. He went back to thinking about his G.C.S.E. This is usually written as ...

Scott does seem a little fixated on the dream. More so than usual. I've had some VERY vivid and realistic dreams but never woken up before and obsessed about them. ...

“I suppose you are wondering why I called you here?” I almost burst out laughing when I read this line. I suddenlly had the image in my head of Gandalf ...

Not entirely sure where this is going, or what kind of story its going to be, but I'll be keeping an eye on it. Couple of things. We were nearing ...

Couple of things, you don't brake into a house, you break into it. This are things that a spell checker won't catch so you really need to proofread (I know, ...

Gah, I hate making nitpicks like this but... It sounds like this tale is set in the American west, at least that was the impression I got. But if it ...

There are a couple of typos, nothing major; mainly punctuation but nothing that detracts from the story itself. He does sound very mature for his age. What stands out is ...

The Commune used proper gander to make them look better than us, and we do the same vice versa. Is this a deliberate misspelling because this part is written in ...