barefootrunner

Hi there! This was a really intense, dramatic piece. I'm going to talk about your style and tone first. You show a tendency towards purple prose, or over-embellished writing. He ...

The last review :D I'm just saying, with a little editing, this could become completely publishable! This is possibly one of the most publishable works I've seen on YWS lately! ...

It's me again! Whoop, whoop! The end can't be this near! This is just going to be a short one, as I don't have much more to say after seventeen ...

It's me once more! I'll be returning just a few more times :D Spelling and grammar Yvette, however was less keen on him seeing it. “You don’t want to, she ...

Hi there! Spelling and grammar “God dam-” he screamed, banging on the the door before it burst out into the next room revealing the startled faces of everyone but Noel. ...

Hi again! Almost done with this story :D Spelling and grammar The man surged forward, and Theo leapt backward, an plan already forming in his head. A plan. Your spelling ...

Back again! Only four chapters to go! Spelling and grammar I've just noticed you use a hyphen like it's a dash. To make an em-dash, use Alt+Shift+-. That's what you ...

Hi again! Let's have another review :D Character development Yvette is now seen from a better viewpoint, as is Mr. Wills. I think, however, that you have a remarkable opportunity ...

Back again! May the best team win this review day! Character development Not much, except that Mrs. Johns is in the spotlight, and she is very creepy :D I also ...

Oh! Very good indeed! This just fulfills every expectation a reader can have of your work! And it blows away the cold problem. But it would have been better to ...

I'm here again. I'm still going! Character development So either Mrs. Johns was lying, or some chemical change had occurred in Carrie’s body, something that allowed this temperature. If only ...

Back again! Good luck, once more, to your team on this lovely review day :D Character development There isn't much more character forming happening at the moment, and that's okay. ...

Back again! Good luck to your team on this lovely review day :D Spelling and grammar I just saw in your first paragraph, the word "peaking" should be "peeking", but ...

Hi there! As it's review day I've come to continue and it's great to see you've actually finished writing this! I'll have a chance to catch up. Character development I ...

Hi there! I'm here with a review, as requested. :D Yup, I got there. Okay, so my first warning here would be, once more, to watch the gruesome details. Here ...