aspiringyoungwriter

Okay, so here it goes... Well you were right when you said it bounces around a lot. I couldn't really keep up with what was happening, it just wasn't very ...

Hi there! I'm aspiringyoungwriter! What I want to point out first is that the first paragraph of your story was really good, I admit that you had me hooked. All ...

I liked how you began your story and how you described how the girl was feeling, but once you got to the part when she was crying you wrote: 'Crying, ...

Sorry, but i don't really get what's going on. You didn't do a very good job at describing the people(no offense) but i mean, What are these people? Are they ...

Ok, I'm not very good at this but I'm gonna do my best . . . First of all, you shouldn't say 'squealed' it makes them sound like giddy little ...

I think your writing is good but it was kind of confusing, i mean, who are these people? Why are they evil? Why do they want to kill this other ...