ashleylee

First, I must say that you need to space out your paragraphs more then they are now. I caught myself reading the same sentence over and over again because they ...

Interesting! :wink: This is a really good story. You write very well! There are only two things I notcied: Cradling her to him, he kissed the top of her hair ...

Hey, I agree with Jamie_rocks on this one. You totally have to describe your characters more. It seemed kind of blah to me at the moment. But I think the ...

Hey! This is what I have for nit-picks: The boy had been playing too close to the machines, the workmen said, and had gotten in the way before they knew ...

Hey, that was hilarious :lol: I had no idea it was a dream until he started licking her face. Very cute! Well, I noticed only one thing for nit-picks: “No, ...

Wow, that was a super, crazy ending. First, I'll do my nit-picks: "Sit down, Joy. We'll go outside soon." I glared at Ginny. This was her fault. If she wasn't ...

Oh, this is so good. (too bad that I knew the ending before I read the other two parts! :( ) But anyway, I didn't find anything wrong in this ...

Very Good! I only noticed one thing this time: His stethoscope swings side to side as he sways on his feet. I think you should add the word from in ...

I'm sorry if I am repeating things that others wrote above ^^^^^^ but here's the things that I spotted: I’m stuck somewhere in between, unfeeling, uncaring. I think you need ...

Oh, so pretty! I must first say that your title caught my eye right away so good job with that. Second, this is a very beautiful piece. I feel that ...

Okay, I must say that this piece was very good. How the angel formed was written very well and I loved how this girl put all her parts into this ...

I agree with Bella and teenweirdo that this would be a very intersting story...if only you legthened it and put some action in it. This is WAY too short to ...

Very mysterious. Nice touch! :wink: Sorry I couldn't read this sooner but I have been so busy. Okay, well, I think you fixed everything that everybody suggested and I didn't ...

Very interesting piece. I had never read a story from the point-of-view of a camera :wink: I read the comments above and saw they pointed out basically everything. This is ...

*sobs* I seriously loathe people like that man. :evil: Why are people like him in this world? Seriously, why? Anyway, you did really nice with such a violent and emotional ...