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afeefah

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: I Need You To Write. - 10.

    Good as usual Emma! Just like the Lauren mentioned though, it is a bit unrealistic, her blaming the passenger. Wouldn't she blame the driver instead??? *re-reads cliffhanger and sends evils ...

    Feb 12, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: I Need You To Write. - 9.

    I'm still reading!! It's getting really good and I can't wait to read more. You do need to slow down a little though, like the others have mentioned; I always ...

    Feb 2, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Monster

    Hi Underwater! Overall, I thought that your story was very good. You got across the character's feelings really well. I think that instead of brackets you should use italics, it ...

    Dec 27, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Star Force Chapter 1: Dreamer

    Hi SwiftShadow! I agree with what the above poster said.Your characters don't have any feelings really, they're a bit robotic. I think you should show their feelings more because we ...

    Aug 26, 2009
  • Article / Essay » Review, General Re: Worst Book You've Ever Read

    Pretty Crazy - I think the book you're talking about is 'Only you can save mankind' By Terry Pratchet (Did I spell his name right?) I really enjoyed it and-That's ...

    Aug 25, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Missing - chapter 4

    Hello again Lilicia! This is a brilliantly written piece and there's really not much I can criticise. There's just one thing that seemed a bit weird to me and maybe ...

    Jul 31, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: Upon Waking part 2

    Hi. Again! :D So, there's not really much that I can point out that's bad about this piece. I was really looking forward to reading it mand you haven't dissapointed ...

    Jul 31, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Missing - chapter 3

    Hi! Again. So a few nitpicks before I rave about how brilliant you are :D So, capitals on Mummy. And you need to decide , like the person above the ...

    Jul 15, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Missing (chapter two)

    Well, After reading the first part, I really wanted to know what happened so i read this part. It fufilled my expectations and more! However, I agree with the above ...

    Jul 15, 2009
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Missing

    Hi Lilicia! So your story is really good. You definitely have talent. I just have one nitpick : Wherever you put 'Dad' or 'Daddy' you haven't' capitalised it so make ...

    Jul 15, 2009
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Destiny

    Hi Sapphirejay! So there's not really much to point out as Bondgirl pointed out all of the nitpicks. I like your plot; it has potential but I think that you ...

    Jul 15, 2009
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The (True) Story of Hansel and Gretel : Intro

    Like the others, i really like this idea, it's original. Even though it is short, I enjoyed it so please PM me when you post more of it. Well done ...

    Jul 10, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: Chapter 1 /The invasion

    Hi RJ! The above poster handled the grammar problems etc so I'll focus on the plot itself. i really think that your story has potential and you build up the ...

    Jul 6, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: Upon Waking

    Hi Faia! I'm here to review your work. The story itself and the plot is very good. you express your characters emotions really well which iss one thing i sometimes ...

    Jun 29, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: I Need You To Write. - 7.

    Hi EmmaJane! As always your story is brilliant and although i agree with what the above posters said, i think that having Amelia's normal life in the story helps me ...

    Jun 16, 2009


Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
— Danish proverb