aeroman

The entire piece has been edited, using the majority of everyone's suggestions and I feel it is a lot better than what it once was. Feel free to take a ...

1. The Kun Thing But if you need to explain it to me after I've read it than you haven't done your job as a writer. I believe you should ...

Thank-you both very much for your critiques! All of your comments have been taken into account and I donated points to each of you. The newly edited version of the ...

Thanks, Wigsta! I appreciate your critique. All of your suggestions are great! I will definitely incorporate them. I sent a donation your way, with a little message to go along ...

Just to be clear, I did not mean to insult Kim. I was trying to be as honest as possible and give Kim a clear picture of what was going ...

Actually I like description of sceenary, I mean its the detail that really capture the reader into relating with the character. The line The night air was crisp as was ...

Actually, I have to disagree with aeroman, for the first paragraph anyway. I think that, too often writers don't put any scenery in at all, just because they want action ...

Nobody expects you to be perfect. That's why we critique your work :)

No problem! I'm glad I can help out. I didn't know it was a story you were using to vent through. I actually believe it is more intriguing than Gypsie ...

I'm critting the section after Danteel meets Matirra and he's in the shower. “You said you wanted me clean and not reeking of Nagai, blood, and sweat,” Danteel retorted, lathering ...

Critting the section after the torture section. She had a delicate nose and a mild, smiling mouth. And her eyes were large and golden, as luminous as her skin. Yucky. ...

I'm critting the section after the collar was put on Danteel. I love how they're gambling on the torture. “May the subject of the wager place a bet?” Another interesting ...

Well, the story is actually based sometime during the mid to late 19th century in France (I believe) and you can just read it straight from the link - take ...

I'm critting the part after The Beginning They walked between the ranks of gleaming armor. I find it interesting that the soldiers are wearing 'metal' armor. I say metal because ...

This critique is for - The Beginning Danteel fed the white rat a few crumbs from the remnants of his very bad dinner. The creature’s pink eyes seemed to glow ...