Xena

hey id dint say i didnt ike it... your explaintiions releriteredted whatever i said.. now that i have been formed, this is probably a good story with indepth characters and ...

Dylan looked like she had(you dont need that there!) spent the weekend hunting down her own leads in some back-alley, gin joints, which I imagined is exactly what she had ...

Yeah,, id change the beginning too.. it is cliche, especially the line of -the light crept through the blinds- has been done prettty much on every story that strarts out ...

yea i liked it cept for the... end of the world smelling like picture books... kinda.. odd.. like.. the end of the world smells.. like.. toilet paper thats been used ...

i dont know.. i thought they were in a churfch at first.. praying and stuff in pews.. then i thought they were ina city bus.. and then i finally there ...

bububub huh.. i dont know.. i tkind of sounds like a childfrens book... for satin babies.. you know what im sayin? its all about hell.. you know.. there's so much ...

i didnt get the feeling that that guy was really scared.. like he was just like.. OWE.. you hit mje.. why? becfause.. because why. because youre a bad bad man.. ...

HMMMM suzie..... now i would think this wouljd be just a litle.. oh risque for the thirteen yoruslds right? i dont know if they should be hearing about gushing virginity ...

so it was a deamon? or.. i didnt quite catch it.. i dont get it.. its her sister.. her mother.. her evil step sister.. maybe i getit now.. a renditionof ...

hey hey you... i can say i liked it overall, yea i did... the opening kastanza was good, like said by these other people, but liek what that guy said ...

the ending was pretty good... and i dont want to hear anymore of your... oh i wrote it in 10 min dribble drabble drooble... anyway.. even tho reptition of the ...

alright... its still the same thing.. i think.. i did alot of skimming.. and if youw ant to knwo why.. ill tell you.. because i didnt see anything new or ...

ububuub the opening line was pretty good... then the rest i really had no use for.. tooo slow for my opinion.. a good opening line but not really an attention ...

hummmum.. letsa see.. alright.. the beginning was a bit rough, yea like said before... sentence structure and whatever needs to be worked on. reading the first paragraph.. (I have no ...

ye ye ye good points.. huh.. yea like.. this was a good story and all.. like.. i dotn know. but it just felt hollow.. you know.. add more.. weight to ...