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Re: Eyes Wide Shut 9.1
Greetings! Let's cut straight to the chase and capture. I've copied your work inside the "spoiler" with my commentaries and points. After the spoiler there's a general conclusion to the ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Harnesse - Episode 1 "Warning Signals"
Cheers! Let's reconstruct it, shall we. I'll first go over the grammar that I found wrong/weird and awkward moments that didn't work. The edits are in the spoilers. ACROSS THE ...
Jun 6, 2013 -
Re: Now, he can choose
Cheers =) Before I start talking about the impression, you missed capitalization here ; “let’s see, ___", 8th paragraph from the bottom. I find the way this seems 'light' and ...
May 29, 2013 -
Re: Eyes Wide Shut: Chapter 3
Seems to me like you're trying to keep the same pace of show/tell ratio, you never really stop to properly describe something, you do a quick sum up of something ...
May 29, 2013 -
Re: A Brief Respite with Death
To understand what I'm writing here, do please read the review in your Imagine if you would : Chapter 1 first. While I admit this is somewhat better than the ...
Oct 25, 2012 -
Re: Imagine If You Will: Chapter One
Cheers! I'll start with the longer work of the two you sent me, so let's get crackin'. Since I can't put your text into a spoiler anymore and highlight my ...
Oct 25, 2012 -
Re: Crazy
Cheers! =) Here as asked, so let's get cracking. I've put your poem in the spoiler with my commentaries. Just give me a reason For letting you ruin my sanity. ...
Feb 24, 2012 -
Re: Falling Flame
Cheers! =) Here as requested! Your work, alongside my comments, is in the spoiler! You slow down to a stroll, letting him run ahead. His laughter echoes in your ears ...
Feb 7, 2012 -
Re: Unfading - Chapter 1
Cheers! Well, we've discussed a lot on the chat, so let me skip to the places I want to point out. As typical for me, they are in the spoiler. ...
Feb 6, 2012 -
Re: Wanderlust.
Cheers! Let's get crackin', shall we? Ikuzou! I've put your story in the spoiler with my personal comments and inputs. His mother killed herself four years after he was born. ...
Feb 6, 2012 -
Re: Pull the Trigger
Cheers! Usual procedure, the poem with my comments is in the spoiler =) How can one feel so alone, - this comma feels unnecessary. In a world bursting with people? ...
Dec 11, 2011 -
Re: Alice in Underland
Cheers! Let's get to business, shall we. I'm on a phone, so it's tough to use references, but I'll try to be specific. The imagination you offer to the reader ...
Dec 1, 2011 -
Re: Talking to the Moon
Cheers! Welcome to our society =) Hopefully, you'll get to meet good members sometimes soon, for now I hope my help will suffice. My specialty is trying to find anything ...
Nov 25, 2011 -
Re: Life is perfect
Hiya! Here as requested =) I've put your poem into the spoiler. Every step planned, every movement precise , like a perfectly executed dance. Nothing (is) out of place, out ...
Sep 30, 2011 -
Re: Charlie
Since the reviews before me nitpicked grammar, I'll focus more on the impression and the style of your work. The lines of descriptions you have... They kind of resemble a ...
Sep 24, 2011
