z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Harnesse - Episode 1 "Warning Signals"

by Wariofart


PDF Version (recommended):http://www.scribd.com/doc/143875697/Harnesse-Season-1-Episode-1-Warning-Signals-Part-1                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
             Harnesse - Season 1 Episode 1 "Warning Signals: Part 1"       
                                                                           
                                       By                                  
                                                                           
                                  nooodisaster                             
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FARM - SUNDOWN                                              
                                                                           
          A homely farm stretches out for miles. Small homes and old       
          fashioned farmhouses (1900s) are scattered in the rows and       
          rows of corn and wheat fields that make up the farm. Only        
          the far right quarter of the farm is in bloom, the rest          
          oddly in different stages, as if all four seasons were going     
          on, each only affecting one quarter of the farm.                 
                                                                           
          The camera ZOOMS through the farm and the people working. A      
          16 year old boy named NIL is pulling a horse-drawn binder        
          through the fields of wheat. Nil is tall, lean and muscular,     
          with curly dirty-blonde hair in a mess. He GRUNTS, and wipes     
          his sweaty brow.                                                 
                                                                           
          Sitting on top of the horse is his sister EMMA, a nine year      
          old. She has a goofy smile on her innocent-looking face and      
          boundless energy as she turns around on the horse to face        
          backwards. She has blonde locks.                                 
                                                                           
          The binder goes over the smallest bump and she falls back        
          onto the horse, chortling.                                       
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    Wee!                                                   
                                                                           
          Nil looks up and gives a little smile through his exertion       
          as he hauls the horses along.                                    
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (breathy)                                         
                    Glad someone’s having fun.                             
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    We should do this every day.                           
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    We do!                                                 
                                                                           
          ACROSS THE FIELD where the wheat fields end and the corn         
          fields start is 16 year old ANABELLA, walking towards a          
          old-fashioned water pump. She is beautiful yet delicate,         
          with long brunette hair and carefully cared for skin.            
                                                                           
          Anabella puts down a large basket filled with corn husks and     
          starts to pump. As the water flows out, she washes her           
          hands, and combs them through her hair.  Even with bits of       
          corn husks stuck to her, she is still graceful.                  
                                                                           
          Emma’s LAUGH reaches her ears and she gets up, seeing Nil        
          about ten rows over. She waves                                   
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              2.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (to Nil)                                          
                    Good luck with the rest of your                        
                    work!                                                  
                                                                           
          Nil opens his mouth to say something, but then,                  
                                                                           
          pauses,                                                          
                                                                           
          awkwardly long-                                                  
                                                                           
          He just nods to her.                                             
                                                                           
          Anabella smiles and walks into the corn fields.                  
                                                                           
          DEEP IN THEM, a fairly built and tall 17 year old, IEN           
          (pronounced like a one syllable version of Ian) is walking.      
          He has short dark-brown hair and a tiny amount of stubble.       
          He is grabbing ripe corn and throws it over his head in a        
          half loop into his own bucket, which is even larger than         
          Anabella’s. It is nearly full. He walks past a nearly ripe       
          husk- and then stops.                                            
                                                                           
          Ien walks back to the husk, looks around.                        
                                                                           
          The coast is clear on both sides, showing a long, empty corn     
          row.                                                             
                                                                           
          He squats down to get almost eye level with the plant. Air       
          flows into his nose and then out in a concentrated, deep         
          breath.                                                          
                                                                           
          Then, Ien slowly unravels the tips of his fingers and PULLS      
          upwards, never looking away from the plant.                      
                                                                           
          Right before him, the stalk grows, and the corn fattens, and     
          in a matter of seconds, it’s ripe.                               
                                                                           
          Ien smiles with a look of triumph on his face, then pulls        
          the corn off the stalk and puts it in his basket.                
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Hi.                                                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    AHHHH!                                                 
                                                                           
          Ien SCRAMBLES back, knocking over his basket and crying out      
          as he does. Anabella looks on in mildly amused horror.           
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Are you okay?                                          
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              3.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Ien turns away sheepishly putting his corn in the basket,        
          his face a slight red from embarrassment.                        
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Okay, yes. I just... wasn’t                            
                    expecting you.                                         
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Sorry. I finished my work and                          
                    wanted to... I thought you’d be                        
                    done before me, with your plantae                      
                    powers and everything.                                 
                                                                           
          By now, Ien has cleaned up. He wipes the dirt from his hands     
          onto his pants and gets up, smiling a bit sarcastically.         
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Ah, but see I don’t get to use my                      
                    magical plant powers to harvest                        
                    because that... would just be too                      
                    easy.                                                  
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Because the soil’s energy would get                    
                    used up.                                               
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes. So I don’t use my powers.                         
                                                                           
          Anabella looks down as the plant Ien used his powers on          
          finishes shrinking back down to its original size.               
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
          Ien smiles, either oblivious to what she saw or pretending       
          to be. He bents to pick up his basket.                           
                                                                           
          There is a moment’s silence.                                     
                                                                           
          Anabella looks down at her feet, her hand touching her neck      
          nervously, and her cheeks blushing a soft red.                   
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (softly)                                          
                    Since you’re not done, do you want                     
                    me to-                                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Well I’m gonna finish working. I’ll                    
                    meet you at the central building                       
                    for dinner, okay?                                      
                                                                           
          Anabella nods with a smile.                                      
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              4.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Yes Ien.                                               
                                                                           
          She turns away and walks. Then-                                  
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Hey Anabella?                                          
                                                                           
          Anabella turns around, hopeful.                                  
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Yes?                                                   
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Do you know if Nil is finished with                    
                    his work?                                              
                                                                           
          Anabella deadpans-                                               
                                                                           
          Then quickly recovers herself.                                   
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    No, seems like I beat you both                         
                    today.                                                 
                                                                           
          Ien smiles and nods.                                             
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT. CENTRAL BUILDING - NIGHT                                    
                                                                           
          In the Central Building is a large dinner table filled with      
          about 30 people all getting their dinner.                        
                                                                           
          The seating is as follows: There is an empty chair               
          surrounded by MOM (late 30s), and DAD other side, a man in       
          his late 30s with a short beard and large muscles, then the      
          GRANDFATHER aka MYD (late 60s) next to him. Across from them     
          are Nil, Emma and NIL’s MOM, a mid-40s women. Anabella and       
          HER PARENTS sit a little bit to the left of Nil’s.               
                                                                           
          The table is loud with chatter, with people passing dishes       
          and talking happily.                                             
                                                                           
          Then, the door opens and Ien walks in. The table semi-quiets     
          down as he walks to his seat.                                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Sorry.                                                 
                                                                           
                              DAD                                          
                         (brutal)                                          
                    Yes, I hope you’re sorry.                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              5.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Myd looks over at Ien and smiles. He doesn’t look like a         
          Grandfather, but instead still fighting ready and healthy,       
          with a fighting twinkle in his eyes and muscles to spare.        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Build a new corn field, did we?                        
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (laughs)                                          
                    No Teacher Myd.                                        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    No, I’m not your teacher here boy.                     
                    Here I’m just your Grandfather.                        
                                                                           
          Ien nods. Myd takes a bite of corn.                              
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    But speaking of teaching, I do have                    
                    a lesson for you tomorrow.                             
                                                                           
          Ien’s face lights up.                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Really Teacher- I mean Grandfather?                    
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                         (slick smile)                                     
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
                              DAD                                          
                    He’ll miss work.                                       
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    That’s the perk boy gets for being                     
                    this special age.                                      
                                                                           
                              DAD                                          
                    Yes father, but we can’t afford it                     
                    right now with fourth harvest and                      
                    anima troops demanding payment next                    
                    week.                                                  
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Well we shouldn’t even be paying                       
                    anima army anything. Right boy?                        
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes!                                                   
                                                                           
          Myd points his finger towards Nil, who is face down eating       
          his corn with reckless abandon.                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              6.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Nil, take over Ien’s position                          
                    tomorrow, okay?                                        
                                                                           
          Nil looks up, corn pieces falling from his mouth and looking     
          utterly confused.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Hmmm?                                                  
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Thanks.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (distressed)                                      
                    Mmmm!!                                                 
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FARM - AFTER DINNER                                         
                                                                           
          It’s night, and the only lights come from the Central            
          Building and lanterns near each of the other houses. The         
          light casts playful shadows everywhere on the wheat field,       
          this one only half grown.                                        
                                                                           
          Nil (carrying a lantern), Anabella, and Ien run out with         
          Nil’s sister EMMA (EMMY), all happy to finally get some free     
          time.                                                            
                                                                           
                              DAD                                          
                    Thirty minutes and then you all                        
                    come to bed, do you hear?                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes father!                                            
                                                                           
          Nil sits down with the lantern. Ien SKIDS next to Nil with       
          his hands up like a baseball player tagging home. Anabella       
          runs over, holding her dress up so as not to get it dirty.       
                                                                           
          As she sits down, Ien and Anabella share a look,                 
          accidentally a first.                                            
                                                                           
          The light flickers off Anabella’s eyes, reflecting the           
          mystery of the night with her gorgeous pupils. She pulls her     
          hair back slowly, so Ien can see her face.                       
                                                                           
          Emma CRASHES through this scene by jumping on Nil’s head,        
          causing him almost to drop the lantern.                          
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (aside)                                           
                    Emmy be careful, we’ll start a                         
                    fire.                                                  
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              7.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Ien blinks, and turns to Nil.                                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    So, what do you want to do with our                    
                    precious time?                                         
                                                                           
          Anabella looks and Nil and Emma and chuckles.                    
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Not put out fires I hope.                              
                                                                           
          Nil blushes at this.                                             
                                                                           
          Ien stares at a wheat plant and grows it slowly in his           
          direction.                                                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Heh, at least it would be something                    
                    new.                                                   
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (playful)                                         
                    Don’t tell me after 17 years of us                     
                    being friends that you’re getting                      
                    tired with spending time together?                     
                                                                           
          Nil looks at Ien’s wheat plant, and lifts out his fingers.       
          Nil pulls his hand back                                          
                                                                           
          and the plant starts to grow towards Nil.                        
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Sixteen years, you mean. You and me                    
                    were still in the womb.                                
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    It just gets boring farming, is                        
                    all.                                                   
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    I don’t know. I like this life.                        
                    Can’t you imagine getting older...                     
                         (starts to blush)                                 
                    falling in love, marrying, having a                    
                    family?                                                
                                                                           
          Ien makes a sound, then gets up.                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Let’s play Hide & Tag.                                 
                                                                           
          Nil and Anabella look surprised.                                 
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              8.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    But...                                                 
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    You always...                                          
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    Lose!                                                  
                                                                           
          Emmy points to Ien and looks at Nil very seriously.              
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    He always loses.                                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes well, now’s the night to chance                    
                    that.                                                  
                                                                           
          Anabella gets up.                                                
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Okay. I’ll be the tagger. Boys,                        
                    don’t use your powers! Keep it fair                    
                    for the ladies.                                        
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Okay. I’m ready to win.                                
                                                                           
                                                               CUT TO:     
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. WHEAT FIELDS - LATER                                        
                                                                           
          Ien is running desperately through tall corn fields,             
          footsteps behind him.                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Why do I never win?!                                   
                                                                           
          His feet slam against the dirt-                                  
                                                                           
          He lunges left                                                   
                                                                           
          Forward                                                          
                                                                           
          Then right.                                                      
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA (O.S)                               
                    If I catch you even while wearing                      
                    this dress, that’s a bit sad don’t                     
                    you think?                                             
                                                                           
          Ien runs a second further, then stops, panting hard. He puts     
          his hands on his knees to try and get air.                       
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                              9.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Silence.                                                         
                                                                           
          Then, Anabella suddenly appears to the left, arms                
          outstretched.                                                    
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Got you!                                               
                                                                           
          Ien turns to see her JUMP and tackle him, and he falls-          
                                                                           
                                                               CUT TO:     
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FARM - TRAINING SITE - DAY                                  
                                                                           
          -onto the ground.                                                
                                                                           
          Ien grunts with anger, his sweaty brows furrowed in              
          frustrated concentration.                                        
                                                                           
          He gets up and walks back.                                       
                                                                           
          Around him is a grass field about the size of a large pool.      
          Trees grow to the sides of it. There are holes in the grass      
          like it has been torn up by something.                           
                                                                           
          Ien is wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt that by now is     
          covered in dirt and sweat. Myd is wearing a long-sleeved         
          black shirt, and has his hands outstretched in a battle          
          pose. He is looking at Ien intently.                             
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    You need to develop your sense of                      
                    surrounding if you’re ever going to                    
                    reach me.                                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (frustrated)                                      
                    Yes Teacher.                                           
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Then let’s try this again.                             
                                                                           
          Ien stares at Myd. They wait, like a standoff, then Myd          
          FLICKS his finger.                                               
                                                                           
          Ien LEAPS to the right as a bamboo-like stock SHOOTS out of      
          the ground from where he stood.                                  
                                                                           
          He runs, sees two more growing diagonally in an X and            
                                                                           
          SLIDES under it, kicking dirt up around him.                     
                                                                           
          Ien jumps up, and continues running towards Myd.                 
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             10.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
          A small tree EXPLODES out of the ground, and a branch            
                                                                           
          rockets towards Ien.                                             
                                                                           
          Ien falls back dodging it.                                       
                                                                           
          He rolls to the side to get up, stands, runs back center.        
                                                                           
          He pauses for a moment, taking a breath.                         
                                                                           
          Suddenly he FLIES forward onto his face. Ien screams out.        
                                                                           
          Ien rolls over, groaning in pain. As he looks back, he sees      
          he was hit from the back via another branch from the small       
          tree.                                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Aghhhh.                                                
                                                                           
          Ien pushes himself up off the ground. He’s filthy by now and     
          he wipes the dirt from his face onto his shirt.                  
                                                                           
          Myd is still standing, perfectly composed. He takes a            
          moment,                                                          
                                                                           
          Then goes out of his battle pose to standing straight.           
                                                                           
          As he does, the plants around the field slowly sink into the     
          dirt, leaving behind holes where they sprouted.                  
                                                                           
          Ien puts a hand on his back and winces.                          
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    I’m starting to think Nil got the                      
                    better end of this deal.                               
                                                                           
          Myd chuckles softly and Ien smiles back.                         
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Don’t worry, he’ll get trained too                     
                    once he comes of age.                                  
                         (pause)                                           
                    But right now, we’re training you.                     
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (turning back)                                    
                    Yes. I’ll get back into position                       
                    and try agai-                                          
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                         (wisely)                                          
                    I didn’t say that.                                     
                                                                           
          Ien turns around, curious.                                       
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             11.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    I think it’s time I taught you a                       
                    new technique.                                         
                                                                           
          Ien’s face lights up.                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Does this mean I don’t have to get                     
                    beaten up anymore?                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FOREST - MINUTES LATER                                      
                                                                           
          Ien and Myd are sitting cross-legged next to each other in       
          the middle of a forest. Myd is cupping a sapling that is         
          growing towards his hand.                                        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Ien.                                                   
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes Teacher?                                           
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Describe to me how you direct                          
                    plants.                                                
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    What? I mean, I... we just do it.                      
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Think hard about it.                                   
                         (grows sapling)                                   
                    How do you grow this?                                  
                                                                           
          Ien states at the plant, and looks down at his fingers.          
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Well, I guess I just concentrate on                    
                    it and then move my hands where I                      
                    want it to grow.                                       
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Yes, that’s the physical process.                      
                    But at its core-                                       
                                                                           
          Myd stops growing the sapling and closes his eyes.               
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Directing is telling nature what to                    
                    do and having it listen. That’s the                    
                    power the Gods gave to mankind.                        
                                                                           
          Ien watches Myd breath slowly in.                                
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             12.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    The technique I’m about to teach                       
                    you reverses that. I’m going to                        
                    teach you how to listen.                               
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Listen?                                                
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Yes. Close your eyes, and focus on                     
                    the sapling I grew.                                    
                                                                           
          Ien closes his eyes.                                             
                                                                           
          In the darkness, a gray outline of the plant appears in          
          Ien’s mind.                                                      
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Concentrate, listen. And hear it.                      
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (focused, quiet)                                  
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
          Ien waits, letting darkness prevail over his eyesight and        
          listening. The gray plant-outline stays the same.                
                                                                           
          Then, a small sound.                                             
                                                                           
          Ien gasps and opens his eyes.                                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    I think I heard something!                             
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Did you hear it respond to my                          
                    brushing against it?                                   
                                                                           
          Ien pauses.                                                      
                                                                           
          Then deflates.                                                   
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Uhh... I think I just literally                        
                    heard you brush against it...                          
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Concentrate harder. Ready?                             
                                                                           
          The gray outline fills the screen. And then suddenly-            
                                                                           
          It’s gone.                                                       
                                                                           
          Ien opens his eyes.                                              
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             13.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (breathless)                                      
                    I heard it.                                            
                                                                           
          Myd is sitting, the sapling ripped in his hands.                 
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Good. What you just heard is the                       
                    loudest sound a plant can make- the                    
                    one it makes in death.                                 
                                                                           
          It is very quiet.                                                
                                                                           
          Ien looks at the spot the plant was ripped from morbidly.        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Once you master this technique,                        
                    you’ll be able to hear whenever                        
                    someone hits a plant, brushes up                       
                    against it, and more. It’s like...                     
                    a warning signal, to you in battle.                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (breathless)                                      
                    That’s amazing.                                        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    It is. It makes us plantae users                       
                    the best guerrilla fighters, as in                     
                    the wilderness, we constantly get                      
                    information our enemy could only                       
                    dream of.                                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Wow.                                                   
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
          Myd stands.                                                      
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Now get up, you have much to                           
                    practice before the sun goes down.                     
                                                                           
          END OF ACT 1                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             14.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
          ACT 2                                                            
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. VILLAGE - OUTSIDE CHURCH                                    
                                                                           
          Ien is standing outside a wooden building. There are three       
          pillars sticking out of the building’s top like a regular        
          church, each one a different color: green, red, and brown.       
          There are three doors also, but only one is open. A few          
          people are going in, all dressed up.                             
                                                                           
          Ien is wearing a brown button up vest with a white button-up     
          underneath, bow tie, black slacks and a brown flat cap.          
                                                                           
          He looks up and sees Anabella waving to her family and then      
          running towards him. She smiles as she reaches him. Anabella     
          is wearing a long green dress and has her hair done up.          
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Hello. How’s your family?                              
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Dreadful as ever. But I think I’ll                     
                    have a few minutes before they make                    
                    us go inside.                                          
                                                                           
          Anabella smiles.                                                 
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    I like your bow tie.                                   
                                                                           
          Ien looks down at it and laughs.                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes, it’s almost like you made it                      
                    for me.                                                
                                                                           
          Anabella laughs too.                                             
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Well, it looks particularly good on                    
                    you.                                                   
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    I don’t think anyone else has ever                     
                    worn this.                                             
                                                                           
          Anabella’s eyebrows go up.                                       
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         ("duh!")                                          
                    I did.                                                 
                                                                           
          Ien pauses.                                                      
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             15.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Well, your whole you looks                             
                    beautiful today.                                       
                                                                           
          Anabella blushes and looks down.                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    As does Emmy’s.                                        
                                                                           
          Anabella looks up to see Ien waving at Nil and Emmy. Nil is      
          wearing a brown sweater with a white open collar underneath,     
          and knee-long Knicks with plaid socks going up to them. Emmy     
          is wearing a cute purple skirt and bonnet hat that she’s         
          fiddling with.                                                   
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Hello.                                                 
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Hello.                                                 
                                                                           
          Anabella walks over to Nil and Ien.                              
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    I like your bonnet Emmy. It’s                          
                    beautiful.                                             
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    I don’t. It’s itchy.                                   
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Sorry I’m late, I was helping dress                    
                    Emmy.                                                  
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Oh. Was-                                               
                                                                           
          Ien pauses, and looks down at Emmy. Emmy has taken the           
          bonnet off and is scratching her hair.                           
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Yeah, it was just us this morning.                     
                                                                           
          Anabella and Ien react to this in silence.                       
                                                                           
          After a moment, Nil leans down to Emmy.                          
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Hey Emmy, do you wanna save me a                       
                    seat?                                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             16.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                         (honest)                                          
                    ... No.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Will you save me a seat?                               
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                         (sighs dispiritedly)                              
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
          Nil kisses her on the cheek.                                     
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    That’s my sister. And keep your                        
                    bonnet on, please!                                     
                                                                           
          Emmy skips into the church.                                      
                                                                           
          Nil waves smiling.                                               
                                                                           
          After a moment he turns back to Anabella and Nil,                
                                                                           
          The smile quickly fade from his face.                            
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    I... I think it’s another man.                         
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    What?!                                                 
                                                                           
          Nil sighs.                                                       
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    I know. But ever since my Dad died,                    
                    she’s been away more and more. I                       
                    know she’s lonely but...                               
                                                                           
          Nil grimaces and looks down to hide the pain on his face.        
                                                                           
          After a moment he looks back up.                                 
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Anyway, Emmy needs to have a                           
                    mother, and right now she doesn’t.                     
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    I’m so sorry Nil. I didn’t realize                     
                    it was this bad.                                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    But I mean... maybe it’s not what                      
                    you think? Teacher Myd goes away                       
                              (MORE)                                       
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             17.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              IEN (cont’d)                                 
                    sometimes too, and it’s not like                       
                    he’s... You know.                                      
                                                                           
          Nil looks at Ien and shakes his head a bit.                      
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Right, yes.                                            
                                                                           
          He forces a smile.                                               
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Enough about that.                                     
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (concerned)                                       
                    Are you sure? Don’t keep this stuff                    
                    from us.                                               
                                                                           
          Nil nods.                                                        
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    I won’t.                                               
                         (playful)                                         
                    Anyway. Ien, I had to skip                             
                    dinner-room yesterday to finish                        
                    your shift, so you better have some                    
                    cool stuff to show for it.                             
                                                                           
          Ien smiles.                                                      
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Luckily, I do. I can even try                          
                    teaching it to you, it’s this                          
                    crazy-                                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN’S DAD                                    
                    IEN!                                                   
                                                                           
          Ien turns and sees his Dad and Mom walking towards him. His      
          Dad is wearing a suit and tie and his Mom is wearing an          
          elegant black dress.                                             
                                                                           
                              IEN’S DAD                                    
                    Come on, let’s go inside.                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Can I talk for one more-                               
                                                                           
          Ien’s Dad grabs him by the hand forcefully.                      
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             18.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              IEN’S DAD                                    
                    No. Come.                                              
                                                                           
          Ien is dragged away. He waves to Nil and Anabella for a          
          moment before his Dad smacks his hand down.                      
                                                                           
                              IEN’S DAD                                    
                    This is a place to worship, not to                     
                    socialize.                                             
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (begrudgingly)                                    
                    Yes sir.                                               
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT. CHURCH - SHORT WHILE LATER                                  
                                                                           
          The inside of the building is in the style of an                 
          old-fashioned church but with diagonal pews. In the center       
          of the building is a stage-like area that is elevated about      
          a foot. A PREACHER is standing in the middle, walking around     
          and making grand gestures to match his impassioned speech.       
                                                                           
                              PREACHER                                     
                    And these are trying times indeed.                     
                    Yes, everywhere you look corruption                    
                    lies with it’s teeth ready to                          
                    strike.                                                
                                                                           
          Anabella is sitting among her family, politely paying            
          attention.                                                       
                                                                           
                              PREACHER                                     
                    There are people who abuse the                         
                    powers you gave us, oh Gods. Armies                    
                    use their powers to oppress, to                        
                    take our food. Who abuse the                           
                    creatures created on this Earth.                       
                    Men, women, let us never fall                          
                    victim to the same corruption we                       
                    see in the anima army.                                 
                                                                           
          Ien is sitting, listening intently to the preacher. He nods      
          in agreement.                                                    
                                                                           
                              PREACHER                                     
                    There are those who defile our ways                    
                    of childbirth, who lay with those                      
                    of the same gender. We must banish                     
                    these sinners in your name, oh                         
                    Gods.                                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             19.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Nil and Emmy and sitting to the end of one of the pews.          
          Emmy’s bonnet is off, and Nil is staring out the window,         
          face stoic.                                                      
                                                                           
                              PREACHER                                     
                    All these challenges we must                           
                    overcome for your return to us.                        
                    Now, let us worship the Gods.                          
                                                                           
          Everyone STANDS, and closes their eyes. There is silence.        
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT. IEN’S HOUSE - MIDDAY                                        
                                                                           
          Ien and Nil walk into Ien’s house, and Ien closes the door       
          once they are in. The house is small and made of wood, with      
          the room they’re standing in actually being Ien’s room.          
          There is a unceremonious-looking bed with one sheet, a crate     
          that is closed, and a few books by it. To one side is a          
          doorway to where a larger bed can be seen.                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Finally I can get out of these                         
                    clothes. I get we have to worship                      
                    the Gods, but couldn’t we do it                        
                    without the dumb hats?                                 
                                                                           
          Ien throws open the crate and throws off his flat cap. Then,     
          he starts to slip off his vest.                                  
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Well, we did sort of drive them                        
                    away you know.                                         
                                                                           
          Ien now is slipping off his shirt. Nil looks away.               
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Not us, the people of the past.                        
                    It’s the anima army and gays and                       
                    corrupted who’re the problem. It’s                     
                    not like we’re either.                                 
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (sighs)                                           
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
          Out of the corner of his eye, we see Ien throwing his pants      
          off.                                                             
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Anyway, are you going to change                        
                    after me?                                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             20.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Yes. Or... no, I’ll probably check                     
                    on how Anabella is doing with Emmy                     
                    first.                                                 
                                                                           
          Ien turns around to face Nil. He is totally undressed            
          besides his underwear and socks.                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (serious)                                         
                    You’re a good brother, you know                        
                    that?                                                  
                                                                           
          Nil pauses in silence for a moment, not meeting Ien’s eyes,      
          then just shrugs.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    She’s my family. What else could I                     
                    do?                                                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (bitter)                                          
                    Ask my parents. They sure seem to                      
                    know.                                                  
                                                                           
          Ien turns around, and starts changing again.                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FARM - TRAINING SITE - AFTERNOON                            
                                                                           
          Ien is standing in his training clothes (white sleeveless        
          shirt) with Myd in the same position as they were yesterday.     
          Ien’s eyes are filled with determination.                        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Let’s see if your training did any                     
                    good. Ready?                                           
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes.                                                   
                                                                           
          Ien waits. Myd lifts his hand-                                   
                                                                           
          And bamboo-like shoots SPROUT out the ground towards Ien.        
                                                                           
          Ien JUMPS to the right, and sprints forward. As Myd lifts        
          his other hand, Ien looks down, see a stem about to pop out,     
          and                                                              
                                                                           
          SKIDS, double backs, and keeps running.                          
                                                                           
          There’s a sound of growth behind Ien, and he DODGES as a         
          branch explodes towards him.                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             21.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Good!                                                  
                                                                           
          Ien smiles,                                                      
                                                                           
          LEAPS over bamboo sprouts mid-growth.                            
                                                                           
          He’s 2/3s of the way there to Myd.                               
                                                                           
          Ien stops for a moment, then curves towards Myd. He hears        
          another sound, looks to see sprouts coming towards him on        
          his left, side-steps to his right-                               
                                                                           
          And slams onto the ground.                                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    AGHHH!                                                 
                                                                           
          Ien clutched his leg in pain and looks back to see a sprout      
          where he had side-stepped to the right.                          
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Dang it!                                               
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    That was better.                                       
                                                                           
          Ien pushes himself up, but it’s too quick. His leg buckles       
          and he FALLS back down, crying out again.                        
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Dang it!                                               
                                                                           
          Ien’s whole body is steaming with frustration. He looks over     
          at his leg, unravels his torn pants.                             
                                                                           
          There’s a cut on his right leg that’s bleeding.                  
                                                                           
          Myd walks over and looks down at Ien.                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Stupid siffing-                                        
                                                                           
          He looks up and realizes Myd is there.                           
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    I’m sorry Teacher.                                     
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                         (kind)                                            
                    No.                                                    
                                                                           
          Myd sits down and places a hand on Ien’s shoulder.               
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             22.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Ien looks up, surprised.                                         
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    You’ve already improved your sense                     
                    of direction after one day. That’s                     
                    no cause to apologize.                                 
                                                                           
          Despite himself, Ien smiles.                                     
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Perhaps your language though-                          
                                                                           
          Myd stands up and offers his hand to Ien.                        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Come on.                                               
                                                                           
          Ien grabs it and is pulled up.                                   
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Thank you Teacher.                                     
                                                                           
          Myd smiles kindly.                                               
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Remember, I’m your Grandfather too.                    
                    How about a hug from my Grandson,                      
                    huh boy?                                               
                                                                           
          They hug.                                                        
                                                                           
          As they pull away, Ien’s visibly emotional.                      
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    I know I shouldn’t say this... but                     
                    it feels like you’re more of a dad                     
                    to me than my actual Dad sometimes.                    
                                                                           
          Myd pats Ien on the back sympathetically.                        
                                                                           
                              MYD                                          
                    Come.                                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FARM - EVENING                                              
                                                                           
          Ien, Nil, Anabella, and Emmy are all sitting around in the       
          same spot as yesterday. Everyone has changed out of their        
          Church clothes, and they seem to be in the middle of a           
          conversation. Ien is spread out looking at the stars.            
          Anabella is sitting with Emmy in her lap.                        
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             23.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    I wonder how it feels to be an                         
                    anima user.                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Don’t know, don’t care. Can we not                     
                    talk about those brutes right now?                     
                                                                           
          Anabella turns to Ien. Emmy looks up at Anabella.                
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    That was rude.                                         
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Yes. But he’s a boy, what can you                      
                    expect from them?                                      
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    ... Nil isn’t rude.                                    
                                                                           
          Ien sighs.                                                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Sorry.                                                 
                                                                           
          Then after a moment he jumps up, like a light went off in        
          his head.                                                        
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    If you want, you can try to catch                      
                    me in Hide & Tag.                                      
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (wry smile)                                       
                    I do like beating you. Yes, let’s                      
                    do it.                                                 
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Okay, till the count of twenty.                        
                    Ready?                                                 
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT. FARM - CORN FIELDS - MINUTES LATER                          
                                                                           
          Ien is standing hunched over in the corn fields so that he’s     
          hidden. His eyes are closed in concentration.                    
                                                                           
          In his mind’s eye, there is a gray corn field outlined. The      
          vision is fuzzy as he tries to concentrate on all the            
          plants, and sometimes it vanishes.                               
                                                                           
          AWAY FROM IEN, Anabella is walking silently but quickly          
          through the field.                                               
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             24.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          She pushes past a stalk of corn and accidentally snaps it.       
                                                                           
          IN IEN’S MIND, suddenly there is a sound. He pans through        
          the gray outlines and sees one of them is snapped. It is to      
          his right, and close.                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (under his breath)                                
                    So there you are.                                      
                                                                           
          He moves left towards the end of the corn field, and hides       
          behind a tree at the edge of the farm.                           
                                                                           
          A minute later, Anabella gets to the spot where Ien used to      
          be.                                                              
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (aside)                                           
                    Where is everyone?                                     
                                                                           
          UP IN A TREE, Nil watches silently, holding onto a branch.       
          He hears a noise and looks down.                                 
                                                                           
          Nil watches Ien hide behind a tree.                              
                                                                           
          Then, he hears another noise, but this time BEHIND him.          
                                                                           
          Nil turns around quickly and sees                                
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                         (loud whisper)                                    
                    Hi Nil!                                                
                                                                           
          Nil is petrified.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    What are you doing here?!                              
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    I saw you hide. This is a good                         
                    spot.                                                  
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    You shouldn’t have climbed this                        
                    high, it’s too dangerous.                              
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                         (pouting)                                         
                    Well you did.                                          
                                                                           
          ON THE GROUND, Ien hears soft chatter. He looks up and sees      
          Nil with his back turned to Emmy.                                
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             25.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          IN THE TREE, Nil sighs loudly. He puts his hand through his      
          hair in distress.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    That’s because I have plantae                          
                    powers. I can strengthen a branch                      
                    if it’s about to break.                                
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    I’ll be real careful. I wanna climb                    
                    higher than you so I’m not caught.                     
                                                                           
          Emmy starts to climb up the tree past Nil.                       
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    No, wait!                                              
                                                                           
          Emmy grabs a branch and tries to pull herself up.                
                                                                           
          Then, there is a horrifying SNAPPING sound.                      
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    EMMY!                                                  
                                                                           
          Nil stands up to grab her, but it’s too late.                    
                                                                           
          The branch she’s grabbing onto breaks.                           
                                                                           
          Emmy falls.                                                      
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                    AHHHH!                                                 
                                                                           
          Her eyes are wide with terror                                    
                                                                           
          wind whisks by her                                               
                                                                           
          the ground ENLARGES towards her-                                 
                                                                           
          Nil JUMPS out of the tree after her                              
                                                                           
          She’s about to hit the ground-                                   
                                                                           
          BOOM.                                                            
                                                                           
          Five-feet tall grass EXPLODES out of the ground ENCOMPASSING     
          Emmy like a hay stack.                                           
                                                                           
          Nil swings off a branch onto the ground, his shirt ripped        
          from traveling down the tree so fast.                            
                                                                           
          He’s breathless. He stares at the grass heap in shock.           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             26.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Emmy?                                                  
                                                                           
                              IEN (O.S.)                                   
                    She’ll be fine.                                        
                                                                           
          Ien walks into view, his hands going down from their             
          directing pose.                                                  
                                                                           
          There’s a MUFFLED SOUND from the grass.                          
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Oh praise Sucellus!!                                   
                                                                           
          Nil runs towards the grass, overjoyed and desperate to see       
          Emmy.                                                            
                                                                           
          Ien makes a downward motion with his hands and the grass         
          slowly dissipates back to the ground.                            
                                                                           
          After a moment, Emmy is left laying on the ground face up.       
          She’s covered in grass and crying from the shock.                
                                                                           
          Nil GRABS Emmy and THROWS her into a HUG.                        
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Don’t ever fall to your death                          
                    again, you hear?                                       
                                                                           
          Emmy nods through her soft sobs.                                 
                                                                           
          RUFFLING, then Anabella runs in.                                 
                                                                           
          She glanced at Nil, then Ien, then Nil holding Emmy again.       
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    What happened?                                         
                                                                           
          Emmy lifts her face from Nil’s embrace and looks at              
          Anabella.                                                        
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                         (sniffling)                                       
                    Don’t ever climb trees.                                
                                                                           
          Nil laughs, then wipes his eyes.                                 
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    ... What?                                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    She fell.                                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             27.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Oh.                                                    
                                                                           
          Nil slowly puts Emmy down and looks at Ien.                      
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    But you saved her.. Thank you.                         
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    You should really thank the grass,                     
                    it-                                                    
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Oh shut up.                                            
                                                                           
          Nil walks over and gives Ien a CRUSHING HUG.                     
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Yes... Please stop...                                  
                                                                           
          Nil lets go, beaming.                                            
                                                                           
                              EMMA                                         
                         (timidly)                                         
                    Does this mean you’re not mad?                         
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (chuckles)                                        
                    Just give me a second to be, yes?                      
                                                                           
          Ien stands and watches as Nil walks back to Emmy and wipes       
          away her tears. He glances towards Anabella when suddenly-       
                                                                           
          A loud sound reaches his ears.                                   
                                                                           
          His eyes open wide.                                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Did you hear that?                                     
                                                                           
          Anabella takes her eyes off Nil and Emmy, who she was            
          watching happily, and looks at Ien.                              
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Hear what?                                             
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    I-...                                                  
                                                                           
          Ien shakes his head and closes his eyes. He sees the gray        
          outline of the forest, and waits.                                
                                                                           
          Then, he sees a rumbling out from the middle.                    
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             28.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          Dozens of small plants (flowers, saplings) seems to be           
          somehow pulsing, going down, like they’re being pushed down      
          by something. Every passing second, more plants are being        
          pushed down, in a straight line that is heading towards Ien.     
                                                                           
          Ien opens his eyes, fear and realization in making them wide     
          eyed.                                                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    It’s an army.                                          
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                         (half paying attention)                           
                    Hm?                                                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Guys, GUYS!                                            
                                                                           
          Everyone turns towards Ien.                                      
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    You’ll say I’m crazy, but I think                      
                    the anima army’s coming.                               
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    No. They’re not picking up the food                    
                    until next week.                                       
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    Yes, and how could you know they’re                    
                    coming? I don’t see anyone.                            
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    It’s this thing, Teacher Myd taught                    
                    to me. I can... sense, or- I can’t                     
                    explain, just- they’re coming!                         
                                                                           
          Silence.                                                         
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    We need to tell everyone.                              
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    I trust you. If they’re coming                         
                    early, we have to prepare the food                     
                    now, as it’ll take longer to try                       
                    and find enough for them.                              
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    Thank you. Anabella, you tell the                      
                    South families, Nil the North. I                       
                    need I go find Myd.                                    
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             29.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (unsure)                                          
                    Ien, if you’re wrong about this-                       
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                         (angry outburst)                                  
                    I’m not!!                                              
                                                                           
          Anabella places her hand on Ien’s shoulder to calm him down.     
                                                                           
                              ANABELLA                                     
                    We trust you Ien. Everything will                      
                    be fine. They just came early.                         
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    It could be an attack.                                 
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    Why? They have no reason to attack.                    
                                                                           
                              IEN                                          
                    That hasn’t stopped them before.                       
                    Now lets go!                                           
                                                                           
          Ien runs off.                                                    
                                                                           
          Anabella glances at Nil, then follows.                           
                                                                           
          Emmy looks up at Nil, her tears just starting to dry, with       
          fear in her eyes.                                                
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                    It’ll be fine.                                         
                                                                           
          He bends down, arms behind his back in Pre-piggyback             
          fashion, and she jumps on.                                       
                                                                           
                              NIL                                          
                         (softly)                                          
                    It’ll be fine.                                         
                                                                           
          He starts to jog into the forest.                                
                                                                           
          The camera PANS UPWARDS and travels across the stoic trees.      
          The sun is starting to go down, and the bright yellow is         
          starting to fade into orange.                                    
                                                                           
          FOOTSTEPS increase in volume as the camera pans until-           
                                                                           
          A long line of ANIMA TROOPS is revealed. Each is wearing         
          leather armor and beside each man is an animal, ranging from     
          wolves to hawks to even a bear, all of which are tamed. Men      
          are carrying torches, illuminating the forest with the           
          flame.                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           
          CONTINUED:                                             30.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          At the front of the line is a hugely-muscular man. The only      
          armor he is wearing is a steel helmet that covers most of        
          his face. Beside him are two magestic LIONS. They walk as        
          posed as he is, and look just as deadly.                         
                                                                           
          Through the helmet, the only thing oh can see are his eyes       
          and mouth.                                                       
                                                                           
          A wicked grin is spread over his face and his eyes reflect       
          the fire around him.                                             
                                                                           
          Below him is a daisy in bloom, fragile and beautiful.            
                                                                           
          He takes a step-                                                 
                                                                           
          and CRUSHES it.                                                  
                                                                           
          END OF ACT 2                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           


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Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:25 pm
Sins wrote a review...



Me reviewing a script, lols

He bents to pick up his basket.

I think you mean bends

...Ien and Anabella share a look, accidentally a first.

I don't quite get the accidentally a first part here... Do you mean accidentally at first maybe? Or maybe I'm just being stupid, I've no idea

Ien makes a sound, then gets up.

This may just be my intense lack of script reviewing skills, but it seems like you should specify what sound exactly Ien makes... Just a 'sound' is pretty vague. He could be imitating a seal giving birth for all I know

A loud sound reaches his ears.

Again, I can't help feeling you should specify the sound a bit more

I’m not!!

Really nit-picky, but I think using more than one exclamation mark can be a bit of an overkill. It's up to you in the end though if you want to keep two or not though

Overall


Okay so please know that this review will lack in some quality, okay no, will lack a lot of quality... but I promise to give it my best shot! Now overall I must say that this actually really intrigued me, and I honestly didn't think it would considering the genre and the fact that it's a script. Despite my naughty biased attitudes, you managed to catch my interest and got me really intrigued to find out where this is all going to lead. I'm assuming this is a script for a show, right? That's what the title of this implies anyways, and if it is for a show then I think this is a good first episode. We're introduced to all of the characters, we get some background on the situation, and it ends with a very successful hook. So well done!

Now. Critiques. Hm. Well you specified characterisation in your review request, so I'll see if I can conjure up anything regarding that. I must say that generally speaking though, I think your characterisation is good, especially with Emmy. Ien is interesting too, and I think his personality is pretty clear and eminent throughout the episode, so that's great. I suppose the characters that maybe could do with some more work are Nil and Annanella, more Annabella than Nil. It's just that right now, those two don't necessarily stand out as distinct individuals at the moment. For example, I could describe Emmy as the chatty, excitable, rather silly and impulsive young girl, but I couldn't really do that for Nil and Annabella because I don't feel I know them as well.

With regards to what I said above though, in fairness this is only the first episode and we probably see more of Ien than the other two so naturally, they may not be as developed. Nonetheless, I do think you could maybe try and emphasise Annabella and Nil's characters some more so that they are more distinct. With focus on Annabella because I do think she's the one who needs the most work, right now she just kind of seems like the girl who fancies Ien, and says some stuff every now and then. I think she's quite a passive character naturally, but I want her to come out of her shell some more and I want you to show us what makes her special. In all honesty though, I do think your characterisation is good overall and these critiques are mainly because you specifically asked for them :)

As for non character related stuff, the only thing I can think of is that this episode does involve quite a lot of information and has a lot of stuff going on, and so it can feel somewhat overwhelming. There are quite a few notable characters, there's the fantasy aspect of the show, the different powers, the anima people/army, the character dynamics and relationships e.t.c. and so all these things do take a lot of concentration in order to follow the episode easily... Well for me to anyway, but then I am so horrendously bad at concentrating it's actually disturbing. I suppose what I'm trying to say is to just be careful to make sure that you explain everything and make every detail clear so that you know none of your readers (or viewers) will get confused at any point.

And I think that's it! To my surprise, I did actually really enjoy this and I'm intrigued to find out what's going to happen next. I also really want/hope Nil or Ien or someone to be gay... I mean, something like that is bound to happen because there was an underlying theme of the whole homosexuality is a sin thing throughout this... so I am really keeping my hopes up because as anyone who knows me can tell you that I have a very disturbing love for gay men. But yes, let me know when/if you have the next episode up because I'd love to read it!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins




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Thu Jun 06, 2013 5:06 pm
Wolferion wrote a review...



Cheers! Let's reconstruct it, shall we. I'll first go over the grammar that I found wrong/weird and awkward moments that didn't work. The edits are in the spoilers.

Spoiler! :
ACROSS THE FIELD where the wheat fields end and the corn
fields start is 16 year old ANABELLA, walking towards an
old-fashioned water pump. She is beautiful yet delicate,
with long brunette hair and well-cared-for (You could make it into three words, but 'well' is definitely better than 'carefully', because otherwise it is awkward) skin.

Spoiler! :
Emma's LAUGH reaches her ears and she gets up, seeing Nil
about ten rows over. She waves.

Spoiler! :
Right before him, the stalk grows, (without first 'and' it's better) the corn fattens, and
in a matter of seconds, it's ripe.

Spoiler! :
Ien SCRAMBLES back, knocking over his basket and crying out
as he does. Anabella looks on in amildly amused horror.

Spoiler! :
Ien turns away, sheepishly putting his corn in the basket,
his face a slight red from embarrassment.

Spoiler! :
Ah, but see - I don't get to use my
magical plant powers to harvest,
because that... would just be too
easy.

Spoiler! :
Ien smiles, either oblivious to what she saw or pretending
to be. He bends to pick up his basket.

Spoiler! :
There is a moment of silence.

Spoiler! :
Anabella looks down at her feet, her cheeks blushing a soft red as her hand nervously touches her neck.

Spoiler! :
IEN
Well, I'm gonna finish working. I'll
meet you at the central building
for dinner, okay?

Spoiler! :
ANABELLA
Yes, Ien.

She turns around and starts walking away. Then-

IEN
Hey, Anabella?

Anabella turns back, hopeful.

ANABELLA
Yes?

IEN
Do you know if Nil is finished with
his work?

Anabella deadpans-

Then quickly recovers herself.

ANABELLA
No, seems like I've beaten you both
today.

Spoiler! :
INT. CENTRAL BUILDING - NIGHT

In the Central Building is a large dinner table filled with
about 30 people (no 'all')getting their dinner.

The seating is as follows: There is an empty chair
surrounded by MOM (late 30s), and DAD at the other side, a man in
his late 30s with a short beard and large muscles, then the
GRANDFATHER aka MYD (late 60s) next to him. Across from them
are Nil, Emma and NIL's MOM, a mid-40s women. Anabella and
HER PARENTS sit (no need for 'a little bit') to the left of Nil's.

The table is loud with happy chatter and people passing dishes.

Spoiler! :
Myd looks over at Ien and smiles. He doesn’t look like an average
Grandfather, instead he is still in a healthy fighting shape with muscles to spare and has an energetic twinkle in his eyes.

MYD
Build a new corn field, did we?

IEN
(laughs)
No, Teacher Myd.

MYD
No, I’m not your teacher here, boy.
Here I’m just your Grandfather.

Ien nods. Myd takes a bite of corn.

MYD
But, speaking of teaching, I do have
a lesson for you tomorrow.

Ien’s face lights up.

IEN
Really, Teacher? I mean, Grandfather? (Don't make it unnecessarily complicated. He finishes "Teacher" according to you, the '-' then is unnecessary, just start a new sentence.)

MYD
(slick smile)
Yes.

DAD
He’ll miss work.

MYD
That’s the perk boy gets for being
this special age.

DAD
Yes, father, but we can’t afford it
right now with fourth harvest and
anima troops demanding payment next
week.

MYD
Well, we shouldn’t even be paying
anima army anything, right, boy?

IEN
Yes!

Myd points his finger towards Nil, who is face down recklessly eating
his corn.

Spoiler! :
MYD
Nil, take over Ien’s position
tomorrow, okay?

Nil looks up utterly confused with pieces of corn falling from his mouth.

Spoiler! :
EXT. FARM - AFTER DINNER

It’s night, and the only lights come from the Central
Building and lanterns near each of the other houses. The
light casts playful shadows everywhere on the wheat field,
this one only half grown.

(There are more places where I feel like the wording's very awkward, but I let some be, because they weren't as troublesome. Here, however, I have to rewrite it.)
===
It's night, the only sources of light are from the Central Building and lanterns, that are positioned near each of the remaining houses. The eventual light casts playful shadows on the half-grown wheat field.
===

Nil (carrying a lantern), Anabella, and Ien run out with
Nil’s sister EMMA (EMMY), all happy to finally have some free
time.

DAD
Thirty minutes and then you all
come to bed, do you hear?

IEN
Yes, father!

Spoiler! :
Nil sits down with the lantern. Ien SKIDS next to Nil with
his hands up as if he is a baseball player tagging home. Anabella
runs over, holding her dress up (unnecessary additions) to not get it dirty.

As she sits down, Ien and Anabella share a look,
accidentally a first. (I get the point, but the last sentence feels amiss)

The light flickers off Anabella’s eyes, reflecting the
mystery of the night in her gorgeous pupils. She pulls her
hair back slowly to let Ien see her face.

Spoiler! :
NIL
(aside)
Emmy, be careful, we’ll start a
fire!

Spoiler! :
Ien blinks (no comma) and turns to Nil.

IEN
So, what do you want to do with our
precious time?

Anabella looks and Nil and Emma and chuckles. (Grammatically wrong, not to mention awkward. Perhaps something in the lines of "Anabella gives ___ (who) a ____ (what type of) look, meanwhile Nil and Emma chuckle.)

ANABELLA
Not put out fires I hope.

Nil blushes at this.

Ien stares at a wheat plant and makes it slowly grow in his
direction.

Spoiler! :
Nil looks at Ien’s wheat plant and lifts out his fingers, then he pulls his hand back with the plant growing along.

NIL
Sixteen years, you mean. You and me
were still in the womb.

IEN
It just gets boring farming, is
all.

ANABELLA
I don’t know. I like this life.
Can’t you imagine getting older...
(starts blushing)
falling in love, marrying, having a
family?

Ien makes a sound, then gets up. (What kind of a sound? This is important.)

IEN
Let’s play Hide & Tag.

Nil and Anabella look at him surprised.

Spoiler! :
Emmy points at Ien and looks at Nil very seriously.

Spoiler! :
IEN
Yes, well, now’s the night to chance
that.

Spoiler! :
ANABELLA (O.S)
If I catch you even while wearing
this dress, that’s a bit sad, don’t
you think?

Spoiler! :
ANABELLA
Got you!

Ien turns to see her JUMP and tackle him, and he falls-

CUT TO:


EXT. FARM - TRAINING SITE - DAY

-onto the ground.

Ien grunts with anger, his sweaty brows furrowed in
frustrated concentration.

He gets up and walks back.

Around him is a grass field about the size of a large pool.
Trees grow to the sides of it. There are holes in the grass
like it has been torn up by something.

Ien is wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt that by now is
covered in dirt and sweat. Myd is wearing a long-sleeved
black shirt, and has his hands outstretched in a battle
pose. He is looking at Ien intently.

Bad time jump here, you'd lose all readers in confusion, it also hinders at the willingness to read further on, not to mention the awkwardness so far as well.

Spoiler! :
IEN
(frustrated)
Yes, Teacher.

Spoiler! :
Ien stares at Myd. They wait, like in a standoff, then Myd
FLICKS his finger.

Spoiler! :
He rolls to the side to get up, stands up, runs back to the center.

He pauses for a moment, taking a breath.

Suddenly he FLIES forward onto his face, screaming.

Spoiler! :
Ien rolls over, groaning in pain. As he looks back, he sees
he was hit from the back by another branch from the small
tree.

If you've got so far through the spoilers, I'll stop pointing out the mistakes that have been already covered, so you'll have to look for them yourself during re-reading. You won't learn by having them constantly shown to you to fix, you'll get better by only realizing the reason the mistake happens and make sure you avoid it next time. As about the awkward moments, those are mainly where I re-did the wording in the sentence or rewrote the sentences as such, I believe you could fix them only by reading more official works in English, might as well try reviewing others' works, see how they connect words together and how the jointing works. My main impression of your writing is that English isn't your native language, there's another language behind -- and taming English to it doesn't work, believe me. If you want English to listen to you and be obedient as you write, think in English, say it out loud, then write it down. What you write down has to feel right, not awkward, you have to be confident in its form. If you aren't, try looking it up on google, or even better ask somebody who you know is rather proficient in English. What helps the most is reading proper (without mistakes) English texts and engaging into conversations with natives, both written and spoken. Regarding the spoken, your dialogues are very awkward at most cases, they seem synthetic - thought up, they don't have the impression of realistic dialogues that you're trying to capture. Observe how people communicate, how their reactions change based on mood, the likes, on internet and in real life. You're writing a script that is meant to capture reader's interest, the space for details is limited, the dialogue has to move the story forward, and it is exactly because the space is limited that you have to make the choice of words impressive and attention worthy. You have a story there that has a potential, but you're hurting it with mistakes and awkwardness, the eventual impression then would have much less chances to pass the critics -- and get adopted for a movie/show.
Spoiler! :
Anabella’s eyebrows go up.

ANABELLA
("duh!")
I did.
The message in the brackets is amiss, it'd be better if you conveyed the reaction behind 'eyebrows go up'.

Spoiler! :
Nil and Emmy are sitting to the end of one of the pews.
Emmy’s bonnet is off and Nil is staring out the window with a stoic face.

Spoiler! :
Ien throws open the crate and throws off his flat cap. Then,
he starts to slip off his vest.
Repetitious use of a specific verb/word in a short period of time bites at the impression, this isn't the first time it's happened so far, but here it's not doing good.

Spoiler! :
Ien, Nil, Anabella, and Emmy are all sitting around in the
same spot as yesterday. Everyone has changed out of their
Church clothes, and they seem to be in the middle of a
conversation. Ien is spread out looking at the stars.
Anabella is sitting with Emmy on her lap.

Spoiler! :
Through the helmet, the only thing oh(?) can see are his eyes
and mouth.

Now I've finished reading the story. The way first act ends gives a good attention hook, one just wants to know what would happen later on, fear that it might be very disgusting/cruel, and hope that most would get better off it. The story has a potential as I mentioned earlier, but I'd strongly recommend to go over it again and try to improve grammar/awkward moments, they hurt your story the most, next to words picking. At one point you're trying to pick details for colorful description, then you cut everything plain and repeat the same word picks, making it systematical. You'd have to pick one of the two or find a balance between the two, but not have two opposites. With this, the reconstruction's over.

Good luck at improving!
~Shinda




Wariofart says...


Thanks for the review! I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind while re-writing.



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Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:42 am
HopelessAbandon wrote a review...



Hi! Hope here for a quick review! I don't normally edit scripts, so I really have no idea what I'm doing. I thought I'd make some comments about the content anyway, just so that you can get some idea for how you're ideas are. :)

Anabella’s eyebrows go up.

ANABELLA
("duh!")
I did.

I was confused a bit at this point. Did she mean that she made it for him from something she'd worn previously, or that she wore the bowtie itself?
PREACHER
There are those who defile our ways
of childbirth, who lay with those
of the same gender. We must banish
these sinners in your name, oh
Gods.

I didn't understand how this had any relevance to the plot line, but maybe it's something that'll come in later.

Overall, this seems pretty great! Definitely something I'd want to read more of, and see on t.v. Keep up the good work!! I like the originality of this piece, and how intricate their lives are. I've got a lot of questions, but I'm sure those'll be cleared up in further episodes. :)

~*Hope




Wariofart says...


Thanks! Reading over the line again, I have no idea myself, I'll rewrite it. And I'll just say, that the Preacher isn't me preaching and it'll become important later. Glad you liked it!



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Thu May 30, 2013 6:01 pm
Cyb3rBlade says...



Cool. I will state in opening that I never (or almost never) choose television as a pastime. This is really cool though, and I sure would like to see it rendered by a good special effects crew. The magic is nicely realized (or whichever world-specific term you use). I ask you where exactly this is going; although the conflict marched in at the end, some parts of it left me wondering. I hold homosexuality to be wrong, but I don't see its relevance to the story--so far. The worship scene could have been better, I think. Once again, I fail to realize the relevance to the story. (Gee, Cyb3rBlade, how could that be? You read exactly the first script!) I wonder what the significance of the green, red, and brown was exactly. And why godszs, necessarily? (That isn't a typo, it's onomatopoeia for someone stressing the S.) It's a really cool world you've built, with the farming and magic and stuff. For 1900, there was a decided lack of technology, even in a magical world--but that might have been a script vs film thing. I liked the listening thing.
Cool. Keep up the good work.
-Cyb3rBlade




Wariofart says...


Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the world and magic. And yeah, looking back I can see that the first episode seems a bit aimless. This is really the first half of an hour opener, so hopefully if you watched it all together it'd be less of a problem. I guess I'll just explain since it's not really a spoiler: I wrote godszs because they're multiple gods in the main religion. Three actually, and each flag corresponds with a god. I'll be sure to explain that later in the series. And the church scene is really relevant later on and throughout the season, but I'll see if I can make it seem more relevant to the first episode. Thanks again!




Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus