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Harnesse - Season 1 Episode 1 "Warning Signals: Part 1"
By
nooodisaster
EXT. FARM - SUNDOWN
A homely farm stretches out for miles. Small homes and old
fashioned farmhouses (1900s) are scattered in the rows and
rows of corn and wheat fields that make up the farm. Only
the far right quarter of the farm is in bloom, the rest
oddly in different stages, as if all four seasons were going
on, each only affecting one quarter of the farm.
The camera ZOOMS through the farm and the people working. A
16 year old boy named NIL is pulling a horse-drawn binder
through the fields of wheat. Nil is tall, lean and muscular,
with curly dirty-blonde hair in a mess. He GRUNTS, and wipes
his sweaty brow.
Sitting on top of the horse is his sister EMMA, a nine year
old. She has a goofy smile on her innocent-looking face and
boundless energy as she turns around on the horse to face
backwards. She has blonde locks.
The binder goes over the smallest bump and she falls back
onto the horse, chortling.
EMMA
Wee!
Nil looks up and gives a little smile through his exertion
as he hauls the horses along.
NIL
(breathy)
Glad someone’s having fun.
EMMA
We should do this every day.
NIL
We do!
ACROSS THE FIELD where the wheat fields end and the corn
fields start is 16 year old ANABELLA, walking towards a
old-fashioned water pump. She is beautiful yet delicate,
with long brunette hair and carefully cared for skin.
Anabella puts down a large basket filled with corn husks and
starts to pump. As the water flows out, she washes her
hands, and combs them through her hair. Even with bits of
corn husks stuck to her, she is still graceful.
Emma’s LAUGH reaches her ears and she gets up, seeing Nil
about ten rows over. She waves
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
ANABELLA
(to Nil)
Good luck with the rest of your
work!
Nil opens his mouth to say something, but then,
pauses,
awkwardly long-
He just nods to her.
Anabella smiles and walks into the corn fields.
DEEP IN THEM, a fairly built and tall 17 year old, IEN
(pronounced like a one syllable version of Ian) is walking.
He has short dark-brown hair and a tiny amount of stubble.
He is grabbing ripe corn and throws it over his head in a
half loop into his own bucket, which is even larger than
Anabella’s. It is nearly full. He walks past a nearly ripe
husk- and then stops.
Ien walks back to the husk, looks around.
The coast is clear on both sides, showing a long, empty corn
row.
He squats down to get almost eye level with the plant. Air
flows into his nose and then out in a concentrated, deep
breath.
Then, Ien slowly unravels the tips of his fingers and PULLS
upwards, never looking away from the plant.
Right before him, the stalk grows, and the corn fattens, and
in a matter of seconds, it’s ripe.
Ien smiles with a look of triumph on his face, then pulls
the corn off the stalk and puts it in his basket.
ANABELLA
Hi.
IEN
AHHHH!
Ien SCRAMBLES back, knocking over his basket and crying out
as he does. Anabella looks on in mildly amused horror.
ANABELLA
Are you okay?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
Ien turns away sheepishly putting his corn in the basket,
his face a slight red from embarrassment.
IEN
Okay, yes. I just... wasn’t
expecting you.
ANABELLA
Sorry. I finished my work and
wanted to... I thought you’d be
done before me, with your plantae
powers and everything.
By now, Ien has cleaned up. He wipes the dirt from his hands
onto his pants and gets up, smiling a bit sarcastically.
IEN
Ah, but see I don’t get to use my
magical plant powers to harvest
because that... would just be too
easy.
ANABELLA
Because the soil’s energy would get
used up.
IEN
Yes. So I don’t use my powers.
Anabella looks down as the plant Ien used his powers on
finishes shrinking back down to its original size.
ANABELLA
Yes.
Ien smiles, either oblivious to what she saw or pretending
to be. He bents to pick up his basket.
There is a moment’s silence.
Anabella looks down at her feet, her hand touching her neck
nervously, and her cheeks blushing a soft red.
ANABELLA
(softly)
Since you’re not done, do you want
me to-
IEN
Well I’m gonna finish working. I’ll
meet you at the central building
for dinner, okay?
Anabella nods with a smile.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
ANABELLA
Yes Ien.
She turns away and walks. Then-
IEN
Hey Anabella?
Anabella turns around, hopeful.
ANABELLA
Yes?
IEN
Do you know if Nil is finished with
his work?
Anabella deadpans-
Then quickly recovers herself.
ANABELLA
No, seems like I beat you both
today.
Ien smiles and nods.
INT. CENTRAL BUILDING - NIGHT
In the Central Building is a large dinner table filled with
about 30 people all getting their dinner.
The seating is as follows: There is an empty chair
surrounded by MOM (late 30s), and DAD other side, a man in
his late 30s with a short beard and large muscles, then the
GRANDFATHER aka MYD (late 60s) next to him. Across from them
are Nil, Emma and NIL’s MOM, a mid-40s women. Anabella and
HER PARENTS sit a little bit to the left of Nil’s.
The table is loud with chatter, with people passing dishes
and talking happily.
Then, the door opens and Ien walks in. The table semi-quiets
down as he walks to his seat.
IEN
Sorry.
DAD
(brutal)
Yes, I hope you’re sorry.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
Myd looks over at Ien and smiles. He doesn’t look like a
Grandfather, but instead still fighting ready and healthy,
with a fighting twinkle in his eyes and muscles to spare.
MYD
Build a new corn field, did we?
IEN
(laughs)
No Teacher Myd.
MYD
No, I’m not your teacher here boy.
Here I’m just your Grandfather.
Ien nods. Myd takes a bite of corn.
MYD
But speaking of teaching, I do have
a lesson for you tomorrow.
Ien’s face lights up.
IEN
Really Teacher- I mean Grandfather?
MYD
(slick smile)
Yes.
DAD
He’ll miss work.
MYD
That’s the perk boy gets for being
this special age.
DAD
Yes father, but we can’t afford it
right now with fourth harvest and
anima troops demanding payment next
week.
MYD
Well we shouldn’t even be paying
anima army anything. Right boy?
IEN
Yes!
Myd points his finger towards Nil, who is face down eating
his corn with reckless abandon.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
MYD
Nil, take over Ien’s position
tomorrow, okay?
Nil looks up, corn pieces falling from his mouth and looking
utterly confused.
NIL
Hmmm?
MYD
Thanks.
NIL
(distressed)
Mmmm!!
EXT. FARM - AFTER DINNER
It’s night, and the only lights come from the Central
Building and lanterns near each of the other houses. The
light casts playful shadows everywhere on the wheat field,
this one only half grown.
Nil (carrying a lantern), Anabella, and Ien run out with
Nil’s sister EMMA (EMMY), all happy to finally get some free
time.
DAD
Thirty minutes and then you all
come to bed, do you hear?
IEN
Yes father!
Nil sits down with the lantern. Ien SKIDS next to Nil with
his hands up like a baseball player tagging home. Anabella
runs over, holding her dress up so as not to get it dirty.
As she sits down, Ien and Anabella share a look,
accidentally a first.
The light flickers off Anabella’s eyes, reflecting the
mystery of the night with her gorgeous pupils. She pulls her
hair back slowly, so Ien can see her face.
Emma CRASHES through this scene by jumping on Nil’s head,
causing him almost to drop the lantern.
NIL
(aside)
Emmy be careful, we’ll start a
fire.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
Ien blinks, and turns to Nil.
IEN
So, what do you want to do with our
precious time?
Anabella looks and Nil and Emma and chuckles.
ANABELLA
Not put out fires I hope.
Nil blushes at this.
Ien stares at a wheat plant and grows it slowly in his
direction.
IEN
Heh, at least it would be something
new.
ANABELLA
(playful)
Don’t tell me after 17 years of us
being friends that you’re getting
tired with spending time together?
Nil looks at Ien’s wheat plant, and lifts out his fingers.
Nil pulls his hand back
and the plant starts to grow towards Nil.
NIL
Sixteen years, you mean. You and me
were still in the womb.
IEN
It just gets boring farming, is
all.
ANABELLA
I don’t know. I like this life.
Can’t you imagine getting older...
(starts to blush)
falling in love, marrying, having a
family?
Ien makes a sound, then gets up.
IEN
Let’s play Hide & Tag.
Nil and Anabella look surprised.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
NIL
But...
ANABELLA
You always...
EMMA
Lose!
Emmy points to Ien and looks at Nil very seriously.
EMMA
He always loses.
IEN
Yes well, now’s the night to chance
that.
Anabella gets up.
ANABELLA
Okay. I’ll be the tagger. Boys,
don’t use your powers! Keep it fair
for the ladies.
IEN
Okay. I’m ready to win.
CUT TO:
EXT. WHEAT FIELDS - LATER
Ien is running desperately through tall corn fields,
footsteps behind him.
IEN
Why do I never win?!
His feet slam against the dirt-
He lunges left
Forward
Then right.
ANABELLA (O.S)
If I catch you even while wearing
this dress, that’s a bit sad don’t
you think?
Ien runs a second further, then stops, panting hard. He puts
his hands on his knees to try and get air.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
Silence.
Then, Anabella suddenly appears to the left, arms
outstretched.
ANABELLA
Got you!
Ien turns to see her JUMP and tackle him, and he falls-
CUT TO:
EXT. FARM - TRAINING SITE - DAY
-onto the ground.
Ien grunts with anger, his sweaty brows furrowed in
frustrated concentration.
He gets up and walks back.
Around him is a grass field about the size of a large pool.
Trees grow to the sides of it. There are holes in the grass
like it has been torn up by something.
Ien is wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt that by now is
covered in dirt and sweat. Myd is wearing a long-sleeved
black shirt, and has his hands outstretched in a battle
pose. He is looking at Ien intently.
MYD
You need to develop your sense of
surrounding if you’re ever going to
reach me.
IEN
(frustrated)
Yes Teacher.
MYD
Then let’s try this again.
Ien stares at Myd. They wait, like a standoff, then Myd
FLICKS his finger.
Ien LEAPS to the right as a bamboo-like stock SHOOTS out of
the ground from where he stood.
He runs, sees two more growing diagonally in an X and
SLIDES under it, kicking dirt up around him.
Ien jumps up, and continues running towards Myd.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
A small tree EXPLODES out of the ground, and a branch
rockets towards Ien.
Ien falls back dodging it.
He rolls to the side to get up, stands, runs back center.
He pauses for a moment, taking a breath.
Suddenly he FLIES forward onto his face. Ien screams out.
Ien rolls over, groaning in pain. As he looks back, he sees
he was hit from the back via another branch from the small
tree.
IEN
Aghhhh.
Ien pushes himself up off the ground. He’s filthy by now and
he wipes the dirt from his face onto his shirt.
Myd is still standing, perfectly composed. He takes a
moment,
Then goes out of his battle pose to standing straight.
As he does, the plants around the field slowly sink into the
dirt, leaving behind holes where they sprouted.
Ien puts a hand on his back and winces.
IEN
I’m starting to think Nil got the
better end of this deal.
Myd chuckles softly and Ien smiles back.
MYD
Don’t worry, he’ll get trained too
once he comes of age.
(pause)
But right now, we’re training you.
IEN
(turning back)
Yes. I’ll get back into position
and try agai-
MYD
(wisely)
I didn’t say that.
Ien turns around, curious.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
MYD
I think it’s time I taught you a
new technique.
Ien’s face lights up.
IEN
Does this mean I don’t have to get
beaten up anymore?
EXT. FOREST - MINUTES LATER
Ien and Myd are sitting cross-legged next to each other in
the middle of a forest. Myd is cupping a sapling that is
growing towards his hand.
MYD
Ien.
IEN
Yes Teacher?
MYD
Describe to me how you direct
plants.
IEN
What? I mean, I... we just do it.
MYD
Think hard about it.
(grows sapling)
How do you grow this?
Ien states at the plant, and looks down at his fingers.
IEN
Well, I guess I just concentrate on
it and then move my hands where I
want it to grow.
MYD
Yes, that’s the physical process.
But at its core-
Myd stops growing the sapling and closes his eyes.
MYD
Directing is telling nature what to
do and having it listen. That’s the
power the Gods gave to mankind.
Ien watches Myd breath slowly in.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
MYD
The technique I’m about to teach
you reverses that. I’m going to
teach you how to listen.
IEN
Listen?
MYD
Yes. Close your eyes, and focus on
the sapling I grew.
Ien closes his eyes.
In the darkness, a gray outline of the plant appears in
Ien’s mind.
MYD
Concentrate, listen. And hear it.
IEN
(focused, quiet)
Yes.
Ien waits, letting darkness prevail over his eyesight and
listening. The gray plant-outline stays the same.
Then, a small sound.
Ien gasps and opens his eyes.
IEN
I think I heard something!
MYD
Did you hear it respond to my
brushing against it?
Ien pauses.
Then deflates.
IEN
Uhh... I think I just literally
heard you brush against it...
MYD
Concentrate harder. Ready?
The gray outline fills the screen. And then suddenly-
It’s gone.
Ien opens his eyes.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
IEN
(breathless)
I heard it.
Myd is sitting, the sapling ripped in his hands.
MYD
Good. What you just heard is the
loudest sound a plant can make- the
one it makes in death.
It is very quiet.
Ien looks at the spot the plant was ripped from morbidly.
MYD
Once you master this technique,
you’ll be able to hear whenever
someone hits a plant, brushes up
against it, and more. It’s like...
a warning signal, to you in battle.
IEN
(breathless)
That’s amazing.
MYD
It is. It makes us plantae users
the best guerrilla fighters, as in
the wilderness, we constantly get
information our enemy could only
dream of.
IEN
Wow.
MYD
Yes.
Myd stands.
MYD
Now get up, you have much to
practice before the sun goes down.
END OF ACT 1
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
ACT 2
EXT. VILLAGE - OUTSIDE CHURCH
Ien is standing outside a wooden building. There are three
pillars sticking out of the building’s top like a regular
church, each one a different color: green, red, and brown.
There are three doors also, but only one is open. A few
people are going in, all dressed up.
Ien is wearing a brown button up vest with a white button-up
underneath, bow tie, black slacks and a brown flat cap.
He looks up and sees Anabella waving to her family and then
running towards him. She smiles as she reaches him. Anabella
is wearing a long green dress and has her hair done up.
IEN
Hello. How’s your family?
ANABELLA
Dreadful as ever. But I think I’ll
have a few minutes before they make
us go inside.
Anabella smiles.
ANABELLA
I like your bow tie.
Ien looks down at it and laughs.
IEN
Yes, it’s almost like you made it
for me.
Anabella laughs too.
ANABELLA
Well, it looks particularly good on
you.
IEN
I don’t think anyone else has ever
worn this.
Anabella’s eyebrows go up.
ANABELLA
("duh!")
I did.
Ien pauses.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
IEN
Well, your whole you looks
beautiful today.
Anabella blushes and looks down.
IEN
As does Emmy’s.
Anabella looks up to see Ien waving at Nil and Emmy. Nil is
wearing a brown sweater with a white open collar underneath,
and knee-long Knicks with plaid socks going up to them. Emmy
is wearing a cute purple skirt and bonnet hat that she’s
fiddling with.
NIL
Hello.
ANABELLA
Hello.
Anabella walks over to Nil and Ien.
ANABELLA
I like your bonnet Emmy. It’s
beautiful.
EMMA
I don’t. It’s itchy.
NIL
Sorry I’m late, I was helping dress
Emmy.
IEN
Oh. Was-
Ien pauses, and looks down at Emmy. Emmy has taken the
bonnet off and is scratching her hair.
NIL
Yeah, it was just us this morning.
Anabella and Ien react to this in silence.
After a moment, Nil leans down to Emmy.
NIL
Hey Emmy, do you wanna save me a
seat?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
EMMA
(honest)
... No.
NIL
Will you save me a seat?
EMMA
(sighs dispiritedly)
Yes.
Nil kisses her on the cheek.
NIL
That’s my sister. And keep your
bonnet on, please!
Emmy skips into the church.
Nil waves smiling.
After a moment he turns back to Anabella and Nil,
The smile quickly fade from his face.
NIL
I... I think it’s another man.
ANABELLA
What?!
Nil sighs.
NIL
I know. But ever since my Dad died,
she’s been away more and more. I
know she’s lonely but...
Nil grimaces and looks down to hide the pain on his face.
After a moment he looks back up.
NIL
Anyway, Emmy needs to have a
mother, and right now she doesn’t.
ANABELLA
I’m so sorry Nil. I didn’t realize
it was this bad.
IEN
But I mean... maybe it’s not what
you think? Teacher Myd goes away
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
IEN (cont’d)
sometimes too, and it’s not like
he’s... You know.
Nil looks at Ien and shakes his head a bit.
NIL
Right, yes.
He forces a smile.
NIL
Enough about that.
ANABELLA
(concerned)
Are you sure? Don’t keep this stuff
from us.
Nil nods.
NIL
I won’t.
(playful)
Anyway. Ien, I had to skip
dinner-room yesterday to finish
your shift, so you better have some
cool stuff to show for it.
Ien smiles.
IEN
Luckily, I do. I can even try
teaching it to you, it’s this
crazy-
IEN’S DAD
IEN!
Ien turns and sees his Dad and Mom walking towards him. His
Dad is wearing a suit and tie and his Mom is wearing an
elegant black dress.
IEN’S DAD
Come on, let’s go inside.
IEN
Can I talk for one more-
Ien’s Dad grabs him by the hand forcefully.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
IEN’S DAD
No. Come.
Ien is dragged away. He waves to Nil and Anabella for a
moment before his Dad smacks his hand down.
IEN’S DAD
This is a place to worship, not to
socialize.
IEN
(begrudgingly)
Yes sir.
INT. CHURCH - SHORT WHILE LATER
The inside of the building is in the style of an
old-fashioned church but with diagonal pews. In the center
of the building is a stage-like area that is elevated about
a foot. A PREACHER is standing in the middle, walking around
and making grand gestures to match his impassioned speech.
PREACHER
And these are trying times indeed.
Yes, everywhere you look corruption
lies with it’s teeth ready to
strike.
Anabella is sitting among her family, politely paying
attention.
PREACHER
There are people who abuse the
powers you gave us, oh Gods. Armies
use their powers to oppress, to
take our food. Who abuse the
creatures created on this Earth.
Men, women, let us never fall
victim to the same corruption we
see in the anima army.
Ien is sitting, listening intently to the preacher. He nods
in agreement.
PREACHER
There are those who defile our ways
of childbirth, who lay with those
of the same gender. We must banish
these sinners in your name, oh
Gods.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
Nil and Emmy and sitting to the end of one of the pews.
Emmy’s bonnet is off, and Nil is staring out the window,
face stoic.
PREACHER
All these challenges we must
overcome for your return to us.
Now, let us worship the Gods.
Everyone STANDS, and closes their eyes. There is silence.
INT. IEN’S HOUSE - MIDDAY
Ien and Nil walk into Ien’s house, and Ien closes the door
once they are in. The house is small and made of wood, with
the room they’re standing in actually being Ien’s room.
There is a unceremonious-looking bed with one sheet, a crate
that is closed, and a few books by it. To one side is a
doorway to where a larger bed can be seen.
IEN
Finally I can get out of these
clothes. I get we have to worship
the Gods, but couldn’t we do it
without the dumb hats?
Ien throws open the crate and throws off his flat cap. Then,
he starts to slip off his vest.
NIL
Well, we did sort of drive them
away you know.
Ien now is slipping off his shirt. Nil looks away.
IEN
Not us, the people of the past.
It’s the anima army and gays and
corrupted who’re the problem. It’s
not like we’re either.
NIL
(sighs)
Yes.
Out of the corner of his eye, we see Ien throwing his pants
off.
IEN
Anyway, are you going to change
after me?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
NIL
Yes. Or... no, I’ll probably check
on how Anabella is doing with Emmy
first.
Ien turns around to face Nil. He is totally undressed
besides his underwear and socks.
IEN
(serious)
You’re a good brother, you know
that?
Nil pauses in silence for a moment, not meeting Ien’s eyes,
then just shrugs.
NIL
She’s my family. What else could I
do?
IEN
(bitter)
Ask my parents. They sure seem to
know.
Ien turns around, and starts changing again.
EXT. FARM - TRAINING SITE - AFTERNOON
Ien is standing in his training clothes (white sleeveless
shirt) with Myd in the same position as they were yesterday.
Ien’s eyes are filled with determination.
MYD
Let’s see if your training did any
good. Ready?
IEN
Yes.
Ien waits. Myd lifts his hand-
And bamboo-like shoots SPROUT out the ground towards Ien.
Ien JUMPS to the right, and sprints forward. As Myd lifts
his other hand, Ien looks down, see a stem about to pop out,
and
SKIDS, double backs, and keeps running.
There’s a sound of growth behind Ien, and he DODGES as a
branch explodes towards him.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
MYD
Good!
Ien smiles,
LEAPS over bamboo sprouts mid-growth.
He’s 2/3s of the way there to Myd.
Ien stops for a moment, then curves towards Myd. He hears
another sound, looks to see sprouts coming towards him on
his left, side-steps to his right-
And slams onto the ground.
IEN
AGHHH!
Ien clutched his leg in pain and looks back to see a sprout
where he had side-stepped to the right.
IEN
Dang it!
MYD
That was better.
Ien pushes himself up, but it’s too quick. His leg buckles
and he FALLS back down, crying out again.
IEN
Dang it!
Ien’s whole body is steaming with frustration. He looks over
at his leg, unravels his torn pants.
There’s a cut on his right leg that’s bleeding.
Myd walks over and looks down at Ien.
IEN
Stupid siffing-
He looks up and realizes Myd is there.
IEN
I’m sorry Teacher.
MYD
(kind)
No.
Myd sits down and places a hand on Ien’s shoulder.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
Ien looks up, surprised.
MYD
You’ve already improved your sense
of direction after one day. That’s
no cause to apologize.
Despite himself, Ien smiles.
MYD
Perhaps your language though-
Myd stands up and offers his hand to Ien.
MYD
Come on.
Ien grabs it and is pulled up.
IEN
Thank you Teacher.
Myd smiles kindly.
MYD
Remember, I’m your Grandfather too.
How about a hug from my Grandson,
huh boy?
They hug.
As they pull away, Ien’s visibly emotional.
IEN
I know I shouldn’t say this... but
it feels like you’re more of a dad
to me than my actual Dad sometimes.
Myd pats Ien on the back sympathetically.
MYD
Come.
EXT. FARM - EVENING
Ien, Nil, Anabella, and Emmy are all sitting around in the
same spot as yesterday. Everyone has changed out of their
Church clothes, and they seem to be in the middle of a
conversation. Ien is spread out looking at the stars.
Anabella is sitting with Emmy in her lap.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
ANABELLA
I wonder how it feels to be an
anima user.
IEN
Don’t know, don’t care. Can we not
talk about those brutes right now?
Anabella turns to Ien. Emmy looks up at Anabella.
EMMA
That was rude.
ANABELLA
Yes. But he’s a boy, what can you
expect from them?
EMMA
... Nil isn’t rude.
Ien sighs.
IEN
Sorry.
Then after a moment he jumps up, like a light went off in
his head.
IEN
If you want, you can try to catch
me in Hide & Tag.
ANABELLA
(wry smile)
I do like beating you. Yes, let’s
do it.
IEN
Okay, till the count of twenty.
Ready?
EXT. FARM - CORN FIELDS - MINUTES LATER
Ien is standing hunched over in the corn fields so that he’s
hidden. His eyes are closed in concentration.
In his mind’s eye, there is a gray corn field outlined. The
vision is fuzzy as he tries to concentrate on all the
plants, and sometimes it vanishes.
AWAY FROM IEN, Anabella is walking silently but quickly
through the field.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
She pushes past a stalk of corn and accidentally snaps it.
IN IEN’S MIND, suddenly there is a sound. He pans through
the gray outlines and sees one of them is snapped. It is to
his right, and close.
IEN
(under his breath)
So there you are.
He moves left towards the end of the corn field, and hides
behind a tree at the edge of the farm.
A minute later, Anabella gets to the spot where Ien used to
be.
ANABELLA
(aside)
Where is everyone?
UP IN A TREE, Nil watches silently, holding onto a branch.
He hears a noise and looks down.
Nil watches Ien hide behind a tree.
Then, he hears another noise, but this time BEHIND him.
Nil turns around quickly and sees
EMMA
(loud whisper)
Hi Nil!
Nil is petrified.
NIL
What are you doing here?!
EMMA
I saw you hide. This is a good
spot.
NIL
You shouldn’t have climbed this
high, it’s too dangerous.
EMMA
(pouting)
Well you did.
ON THE GROUND, Ien hears soft chatter. He looks up and sees
Nil with his back turned to Emmy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
IN THE TREE, Nil sighs loudly. He puts his hand through his
hair in distress.
NIL
That’s because I have plantae
powers. I can strengthen a branch
if it’s about to break.
EMMA
I’ll be real careful. I wanna climb
higher than you so I’m not caught.
Emmy starts to climb up the tree past Nil.
NIL
No, wait!
Emmy grabs a branch and tries to pull herself up.
Then, there is a horrifying SNAPPING sound.
NIL
EMMY!
Nil stands up to grab her, but it’s too late.
The branch she’s grabbing onto breaks.
Emmy falls.
EMMA
AHHHH!
Her eyes are wide with terror
wind whisks by her
the ground ENLARGES towards her-
Nil JUMPS out of the tree after her
She’s about to hit the ground-
BOOM.
Five-feet tall grass EXPLODES out of the ground ENCOMPASSING
Emmy like a hay stack.
Nil swings off a branch onto the ground, his shirt ripped
from traveling down the tree so fast.
He’s breathless. He stares at the grass heap in shock.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
NIL
Emmy?
IEN (O.S.)
She’ll be fine.
Ien walks into view, his hands going down from their
directing pose.
There’s a MUFFLED SOUND from the grass.
NIL
Oh praise Sucellus!!
Nil runs towards the grass, overjoyed and desperate to see
Emmy.
Ien makes a downward motion with his hands and the grass
slowly dissipates back to the ground.
After a moment, Emmy is left laying on the ground face up.
She’s covered in grass and crying from the shock.
Nil GRABS Emmy and THROWS her into a HUG.
NIL
Don’t ever fall to your death
again, you hear?
Emmy nods through her soft sobs.
RUFFLING, then Anabella runs in.
She glanced at Nil, then Ien, then Nil holding Emmy again.
ANABELLA
What happened?
Emmy lifts her face from Nil’s embrace and looks at
Anabella.
EMMA
(sniffling)
Don’t ever climb trees.
Nil laughs, then wipes his eyes.
ANABELLA
... What?
IEN
She fell.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
ANABELLA
Oh.
Nil slowly puts Emmy down and looks at Ien.
NIL
But you saved her.. Thank you.
IEN
You should really thank the grass,
it-
NIL
Oh shut up.
Nil walks over and gives Ien a CRUSHING HUG.
IEN
Yes... Please stop...
Nil lets go, beaming.
EMMA
(timidly)
Does this mean you’re not mad?
NIL
(chuckles)
Just give me a second to be, yes?
Ien stands and watches as Nil walks back to Emmy and wipes
away her tears. He glances towards Anabella when suddenly-
A loud sound reaches his ears.
His eyes open wide.
IEN
Did you hear that?
Anabella takes her eyes off Nil and Emmy, who she was
watching happily, and looks at Ien.
ANABELLA
Hear what?
IEN
I-...
Ien shakes his head and closes his eyes. He sees the gray
outline of the forest, and waits.
Then, he sees a rumbling out from the middle.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.
Dozens of small plants (flowers, saplings) seems to be
somehow pulsing, going down, like they’re being pushed down
by something. Every passing second, more plants are being
pushed down, in a straight line that is heading towards Ien.
Ien opens his eyes, fear and realization in making them wide
eyed.
IEN
It’s an army.
ANABELLA
(half paying attention)
Hm?
IEN
Guys, GUYS!
Everyone turns towards Ien.
IEN
You’ll say I’m crazy, but I think
the anima army’s coming.
NIL
No. They’re not picking up the food
until next week.
ANABELLA
Yes, and how could you know they’re
coming? I don’t see anyone.
IEN
It’s this thing, Teacher Myd taught
to me. I can... sense, or- I can’t
explain, just- they’re coming!
Silence.
IEN
We need to tell everyone.
ANABELLA
I trust you. If they’re coming
early, we have to prepare the food
now, as it’ll take longer to try
and find enough for them.
IEN
Thank you. Anabella, you tell the
South families, Nil the North. I
need I go find Myd.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29.
NIL
(unsure)
Ien, if you’re wrong about this-
IEN
(angry outburst)
I’m not!!
Anabella places her hand on Ien’s shoulder to calm him down.
ANABELLA
We trust you Ien. Everything will
be fine. They just came early.
IEN
It could be an attack.
NIL
Why? They have no reason to attack.
IEN
That hasn’t stopped them before.
Now lets go!
Ien runs off.
Anabella glances at Nil, then follows.
Emmy looks up at Nil, her tears just starting to dry, with
fear in her eyes.
NIL
It’ll be fine.
He bends down, arms behind his back in Pre-piggyback
fashion, and she jumps on.
NIL
(softly)
It’ll be fine.
He starts to jog into the forest.
The camera PANS UPWARDS and travels across the stoic trees.
The sun is starting to go down, and the bright yellow is
starting to fade into orange.
FOOTSTEPS increase in volume as the camera pans until-
A long line of ANIMA TROOPS is revealed. Each is wearing
leather armor and beside each man is an animal, ranging from
wolves to hawks to even a bear, all of which are tamed. Men
are carrying torches, illuminating the forest with the
flame.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 30.
At the front of the line is a hugely-muscular man. The only
armor he is wearing is a steel helmet that covers most of
his face. Beside him are two magestic LIONS. They walk as
posed as he is, and look just as deadly.
Through the helmet, the only thing oh can see are his eyes
and mouth.
A wicked grin is spread over his face and his eyes reflect
the fire around him.
Below him is a daisy in bloom, fragile and beautiful.
He takes a step-
and CRUSHES it.
END OF ACT 2
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Me reviewing a script, lols
I think you mean bends
I don't quite get the accidentally a first part here... Do you mean accidentally at first maybe? Or maybe I'm just being stupid, I've no idea
This may just be my intense lack of script reviewing skills, but it seems like you should specify what sound exactly Ien makes... Just a 'sound' is pretty vague. He could be imitating a seal giving birth for all I know
Again, I can't help feeling you should specify the sound a bit more
Really nit-picky, but I think using more than one exclamation mark can be a bit of an overkill. It's up to you in the end though if you want to keep two or not though
Okay so please know that this review will lack in some quality, okay no, will lack a lot of quality... but I promise to give it my best shot! Now overall I must say that this actually really intrigued me, and I honestly didn't think it would considering the genre and the fact that it's a script. Despite my naughty biased attitudes, you managed to catch my interest and got me really intrigued to find out where this is all going to lead. I'm assuming this is a script for a show, right? That's what the title of this implies anyways, and if it is for a show then I think this is a good first episode. We're introduced to all of the characters, we get some background on the situation, and it ends with a very successful hook. So well done!
Now. Critiques. Hm. Well you specified characterisation in your review request, so I'll see if I can conjure up anything regarding that. I must say that generally speaking though, I think your characterisation is good, especially with Emmy. Ien is interesting too, and I think his personality is pretty clear and eminent throughout the episode, so that's great. I suppose the characters that maybe could do with some more work are Nil and Annanella, more Annabella than Nil. It's just that right now, those two don't necessarily stand out as distinct individuals at the moment. For example, I could describe Emmy as the chatty, excitable, rather silly and impulsive young girl, but I couldn't really do that for Nil and Annabella because I don't feel I know them as well.
With regards to what I said above though, in fairness this is only the first episode and we probably see more of Ien than the other two so naturally, they may not be as developed. Nonetheless, I do think you could maybe try and emphasise Annabella and Nil's characters some more so that they are more distinct. With focus on Annabella because I do think she's the one who needs the most work, right now she just kind of seems like the girl who fancies Ien, and says some stuff every now and then. I think she's quite a passive character naturally, but I want her to come out of her shell some more and I want you to show us what makes her special. In all honesty though, I do think your characterisation is good overall and these critiques are mainly because you specifically asked for them
As for non character related stuff, the only thing I can think of is that this episode does involve quite a lot of information and has a lot of stuff going on, and so it can feel somewhat overwhelming. There are quite a few notable characters, there's the fantasy aspect of the show, the different powers, the anima people/army, the character dynamics and relationships e.t.c. and so all these things do take a lot of concentration in order to follow the episode easily... Well for me to anyway, but then I am so horrendously bad at concentrating it's actually disturbing. I suppose what I'm trying to say is to just be careful to make sure that you explain everything and make every detail clear so that you know none of your readers (or viewers) will get confused at any point.
And I think that's it! To my surprise, I did actually really enjoy this and I'm intrigued to find out what's going to happen next. I also really want/hope Nil or Ien or someone to be gay... I mean, something like that is bound to happen because there was an underlying theme of the whole homosexuality is a sin thing throughout this... so I am really keeping my hopes up because as anyone who knows me can tell you that I have a very disturbing love for gay men. But yes, let me know when/if you have the next episode up because I'd love to read it!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
Cheers! Let's reconstruct it, shall we. I'll first go over the grammar that I found wrong/weird and awkward moments that didn't work. The edits are in the spoilers.
ACROSS THE FIELD where the wheat fields end and the corn
Emma's LAUGH reaches her ears and she gets up, seeing Nil
Right before him, the stalk grows, (without first 'and' it's better) the corn fattens, and
Ien SCRAMBLES back, knocking over his basket and crying out
Ien turns away, sheepishly putting his corn in the basket,
Ah, but see - I don't get to use my
Ien smiles, either oblivious to what she saw or pretending
There is a moment of silence.
Anabella looks down at her feet, her cheeks blushing a soft red as her hand nervously touches her neck.
IEN
ANABELLA
INT. CENTRAL BUILDING - NIGHT
Myd looks over at Ien and smiles. He doesn’t look like an average
MYD
EXT. FARM - AFTER DINNER
Nil sits down with the lantern. Ien SKIDS next to Nil with
NIL
Ien blinks (no comma) and turns to Nil.
Nil looks at Ien’s wheat plant and lifts out his fingers, then he pulls his hand back with the plant growing along.
Emmy points at Ien and looks at Nil very seriously.
IEN
ANABELLA (O.S)
ANABELLA
IEN
Ien stares at Myd. They wait, like in a standoff, then Myd
He rolls to the side to get up, stands up, runs back to the center.
Ien rolls over, groaning in pain. As he looks back, he sees
Anabella’s eyebrows go up.
Nil and Emmy are sitting to the end of one of the pews.
Ien throws open the crate and throws off his flat cap. Then,
Ien, Nil, Anabella, and Emmy are all sitting around in the
Through the helmet, the only thing oh(?) can see are his eyes
Spoiler
fields start is 16 year old ANABELLA, walking towards an
old-fashioned water pump. She is beautiful yet delicate,
with long brunette hair and well-cared-for (You could make it into three words, but 'well' is definitely better than 'carefully', because otherwise it is awkward) skin.
Spoiler
about ten rows over. She waves.
Spoiler
in a matter of seconds, it's ripe.
Spoiler
as he does. Anabella looks on in amildly amused horror.
Spoiler
his face a slight red from embarrassment.
Spoiler
magical plant powers to harvest,
because that... would just be too
easy.
Spoiler
to be. He bends to pick up his basket.
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Well, I'm gonna finish working. I'll
meet you at the central building
for dinner, okay?
Spoiler
Yes, Ien.
She turns around and starts walking away. Then-
IEN
Hey, Anabella?
Anabella turns back, hopeful.
ANABELLA
Yes?
IEN
Do you know if Nil is finished with
his work?
Anabella deadpans-
Then quickly recovers herself.
ANABELLA
No, seems like I've beaten you both
today.
Spoiler
In the Central Building is a large dinner table filled with
about 30 people (no 'all')getting their dinner.
The seating is as follows: There is an empty chair
surrounded by MOM (late 30s), and DAD at the other side, a man in
his late 30s with a short beard and large muscles, then the
GRANDFATHER aka MYD (late 60s) next to him. Across from them
are Nil, Emma and NIL's MOM, a mid-40s women. Anabella and
HER PARENTS sit (no need for 'a little bit') to the left of Nil's.
The table is loud with happy chatter and people passing dishes.
Spoiler
Grandfather, instead he is still in a healthy fighting shape with muscles to spare and has an energetic twinkle in his eyes.
MYD
Build a new corn field, did we?
IEN
(laughs)
No, Teacher Myd.
MYD
No, I’m not your teacher here, boy.
Here I’m just your Grandfather.
Ien nods. Myd takes a bite of corn.
MYD
But, speaking of teaching, I do have
a lesson for you tomorrow.
Ien’s face lights up.
IEN
Really, Teacher? I mean, Grandfather? (Don't make it unnecessarily complicated. He finishes "Teacher" according to you, the '-' then is unnecessary, just start a new sentence.)
MYD
(slick smile)
Yes.
DAD
He’ll miss work.
MYD
That’s the perk boy gets for being
this special age.
DAD
Yes, father, but we can’t afford it
right now with fourth harvest and
anima troops demanding payment next
week.
MYD
Well, we shouldn’t even be paying
anima army anything, right, boy?
IEN
Yes!
Myd points his finger towards Nil, who is face down recklessly eating
his corn.
Spoiler
Nil, take over Ien’s position
tomorrow, okay?
Nil looks up utterly confused with pieces of corn falling from his mouth.
Spoiler
It’s night, and the only lights come from the Central
Building and lanterns near each of the other houses. The
light casts playful shadows everywhere on the wheat field,
this one only half grown.
(There are more places where I feel like the wording's very awkward, but I let some be, because they weren't as troublesome. Here, however, I have to rewrite it.)
===
It's night, the only sources of light are from the Central Building and lanterns, that are positioned near each of the remaining houses. The eventual light casts playful shadows on the half-grown wheat field.
===
Nil (carrying a lantern), Anabella, and Ien run out with
Nil’s sister EMMA (EMMY), all happy to finally have some free
time.
DAD
Thirty minutes and then you all
come to bed, do you hear?
IEN
Yes, father!
Spoiler
his hands up as if he is a baseball player tagging home. Anabella
runs over, holding her dress up (unnecessary additions) to not get it dirty.
As she sits down, Ien and Anabella share a look,
accidentally a first. (I get the point, but the last sentence feels amiss)
The light flickers off Anabella’s eyes, reflecting the
mystery of the night in her gorgeous pupils. She pulls her
hair back slowly to let Ien see her face.
Spoiler
(aside)
Emmy, be careful, we’ll start a
fire!
Spoiler
IEN
So, what do you want to do with our
precious time?
Anabella looks and Nil and Emma and chuckles. (Grammatically wrong, not to mention awkward. Perhaps something in the lines of "Anabella gives ___ (who) a ____ (what type of) look, meanwhile Nil and Emma chuckle.)
ANABELLA
Not put out fires I hope.
Nil blushes at this.
Ien stares at a wheat plant and makes it slowly grow in his
direction.
Spoiler
NIL
Sixteen years, you mean. You and me
were still in the womb.
IEN
It just gets boring farming, is
all.
ANABELLA
I don’t know. I like this life.
Can’t you imagine getting older...
(starts blushing)
falling in love, marrying, having a
family?
Ien makes a sound, then gets up. (What kind of a sound? This is important.)
IEN
Let’s play Hide & Tag.
Nil and Anabella look at him surprised.
Spoiler
Spoiler
Yes, well, now’s the night to chance
that.
Spoiler
If I catch you even while wearing
this dress, that’s a bit sad, don’t
you think?
Spoiler
Got you!
Ien turns to see her JUMP and tackle him, and he falls-
CUT TO:
EXT. FARM - TRAINING SITE - DAY
-onto the ground.
Ien grunts with anger, his sweaty brows furrowed in
frustrated concentration.
He gets up and walks back.
Around him is a grass field about the size of a large pool.
Trees grow to the sides of it. There are holes in the grass
like it has been torn up by something.
Ien is wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt that by now is
covered in dirt and sweat. Myd is wearing a long-sleeved
black shirt, and has his hands outstretched in a battle
pose. He is looking at Ien intently.
Bad time jump here, you'd lose all readers in confusion, it also hinders at the willingness to read further on, not to mention the awkwardness so far as well.
Spoiler
(frustrated)
Yes, Teacher.
Spoiler
FLICKS his finger.
Spoiler
He pauses for a moment, taking a breath.
Suddenly he FLIES forward onto his face, screaming.
Spoiler
he was hit from the back by another branch from the small
tree.
If you've got so far through the spoilers, I'll stop pointing out the mistakes that have been already covered, so you'll have to look for them yourself during re-reading. You won't learn by having them constantly shown to you to fix, you'll get better by only realizing the reason the mistake happens and make sure you avoid it next time. As about the awkward moments, those are mainly where I re-did the wording in the sentence or rewrote the sentences as such, I believe you could fix them only by reading more official works in English, might as well try reviewing others' works, see how they connect words together and how the jointing works. My main impression of your writing is that English isn't your native language, there's another language behind -- and taming English to it doesn't work, believe me. If you want English to listen to you and be obedient as you write, think in English, say it out loud, then write it down. What you write down has to feel right, not awkward, you have to be confident in its form. If you aren't, try looking it up on google, or even better ask somebody who you know is rather proficient in English. What helps the most is reading proper (without mistakes) English texts and engaging into conversations with natives, both written and spoken. Regarding the spoken, your dialogues are very awkward at most cases, they seem synthetic - thought up, they don't have the impression of realistic dialogues that you're trying to capture. Observe how people communicate, how their reactions change based on mood, the likes, on internet and in real life. You're writing a script that is meant to capture reader's interest, the space for details is limited, the dialogue has to move the story forward, and it is exactly because the space is limited that you have to make the choice of words impressive and attention worthy. You have a story there that has a potential, but you're hurting it with mistakes and awkwardness, the eventual impression then would have much less chances to pass the critics -- and get adopted for a movie/show.
Spoiler
ANABELLA
("duh!")
I did.
The message in the brackets is amiss, it'd be better if you conveyed the reaction behind 'eyebrows go up'.
Spoiler
Emmy’s bonnet is off and Nil is staring out the window with a stoic face.
Spoiler
he starts to slip off his vest.
Repetitious use of a specific verb/word in a short period of time bites at the impression, this isn't the first time it's happened so far, but here it's not doing good.
Spoiler
same spot as yesterday. Everyone has changed out of their
Church clothes, and they seem to be in the middle of a
conversation. Ien is spread out looking at the stars.
Anabella is sitting with Emmy on her lap.
Spoiler
and mouth.
Now I've finished reading the story. The way first act ends gives a good attention hook, one just wants to know what would happen later on, fear that it might be very disgusting/cruel, and hope that most would get better off it. The story has a potential as I mentioned earlier, but I'd strongly recommend to go over it again and try to improve grammar/awkward moments, they hurt your story the most, next to words picking. At one point you're trying to pick details for colorful description, then you cut everything plain and repeat the same word picks, making it systematical. You'd have to pick one of the two or find a balance between the two, but not have two opposites. With this, the reconstruction's over.
Good luck at improving!
~Shinda
Thanks for the review! I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind while re-writing.
Hi! Hope here for a quick review! I don't normally edit scripts, so I really have no idea what I'm doing. I thought I'd make some comments about the content anyway, just so that you can get some idea for how you're ideas are.
I was confused a bit at this point. Did she mean that she made it for him from something she'd worn previously, or that she wore the bowtie itself?
I didn't understand how this had any relevance to the plot line, but maybe it's something that'll come in later.
Overall, this seems pretty great! Definitely something I'd want to read more of, and see on t.v. Keep up the good work!! I like the originality of this piece, and how intricate their lives are. I've got a lot of questions, but I'm sure those'll be cleared up in further episodes.
~*Hope
Thanks! Reading over the line again, I have no idea myself, I'll rewrite it. And I'll just say, that the Preacher isn't me preaching and it'll become important later. Glad you liked it!
Cool. I will state in opening that I never (or almost never) choose television as a pastime. This is really cool though, and I sure would like to see it rendered by a good special effects crew. The magic is nicely realized (or whichever world-specific term you use). I ask you where exactly this is going; although the conflict marched in at the end, some parts of it left me wondering. I hold homosexuality to be wrong, but I don't see its relevance to the story--so far. The worship scene could have been better, I think. Once again, I fail to realize the relevance to the story. (Gee, Cyb3rBlade, how could that be? You read exactly the first script!) I wonder what the significance of the green, red, and brown was exactly. And why godszs, necessarily? (That isn't a typo, it's onomatopoeia for someone stressing the S.) It's a really cool world you've built, with the farming and magic and stuff. For 1900, there was a decided lack of technology, even in a magical world--but that might have been a script vs film thing. I liked the listening thing.
Cool. Keep up the good work.
-Cyb3rBlade
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the world and magic. And yeah, looking back I can see that the first episode seems a bit aimless. This is really the first half of an hour opener, so hopefully if you watched it all together it'd be less of a problem. I guess I'll just explain since it's not really a spoiler: I wrote godszs because they're multiple gods in the main religion. Three actually, and each flag corresponds with a god. I'll be sure to explain that later in the series. And the church scene is really relevant later on and throughout the season, but I'll see if I can make it seem more relevant to the first episode. Thanks again!