WinterGrimm

Sounds interesting. But what age group would you suggest this to? I guess its slighly on the mature side. Maybe like 13 and up.

Actually I have seen part of the sex tape. What? I was bored. At least part of it. I don't recomend it. It was pretty boring. As if there were ...

2. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.” Thomas moaned from behind the wheel of his parent’s brand new 2004 Dodge Grand Caravan. Cherry red. Just waxed. Super-clean interior. ...

Thank you for this critique. I will go through and make grammar corrections forthwidth (meaning when I have time.) To be honest this story thus far is long short story ...

8. Marie was surprised that Jason stopped involving himself when she came into contact with Hana. That feeling faded less that a second later when her mind merged with Hana’s. ...

7. “—There’s nothing you can do about it.” Hana replied. “You’re wrong. There is always something that can be done.” Jason said, nearly at the same time Marie said much ...

I never would have guessed. :wink:

Thanks alot. Yes the critiques were a big help and I made most of the changes already. Tell me what you think. As for repeating the ash it was intentional ...

6. “The practice field was were Hana and Derrick first made love.” Marie shocked herself at the suddenness of her epiphany. She blushed a little after saying it in front ...

In my opionion there aren't any bad words. Just bad intentions. They're just words. I use swearing in my writing because that's how most people talk. At least how people ...

I feel kind of silly that that was still in there. This play has been perfromed in not one but two of my classes.

I have nothing against description. But you do have to tell a tight story and everything has to have a purpose. In fact I think that this story, if anything, ...

Winter, I'd like you to check out my post when you've got the time. Its 'Chapter 1 of the Regicide'. One of the things we have to bear in mind ...

5. “Did I touch a nerve, Hana?” Jason changed his approach. The specter stood up, dusted off her jeans as a habit, and looked squarely into the shaman’s eyes. “Leave ...

Chapter One critique continues. It was well-paid work, if he was truthful, and the money allowed him to buy enough food despite the famine, because the cities were well stocked, ...