Twit

Chapter Two ‘In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself.’ --Albert Einstein The ewe squirmed between my knees, ...

Chapter Eight: Valley of Death Swimming. Swimming in dark and light. An ocean of confused voices and half-heard sounds; odd flashes of faces and scenes appearing and disappearing without any ...

first off, because it starts off as a memoir, the reader know that the story teller isn't dead. Therefore, we know he's overcome all the problems that had hurdled his ...

There weren't any problems that I could see. Just... craziness. :lol:

Ok, I didn't get any of them, but maybe that's a good sign. They sounded good, anyhow.

Lol, very very funny and fits the tune great! I'd say change this, And you burst into big tears, The "big" jars the rythym. Just "tears" should be fine.

Thank you Sumi, Canis, Kitty for commenting! All what you said was realy helpful! :D

Was the lack of capitals intentional? I'm assuming so? It was an interesting story, but a touch confusing. Vengance! :razz: !

Also, how does the Raven know this song? It doesn't seem like the typical thing you'd find in a fantasy universe... a brief reference to someone who taught him the ...

This is a limerick, right? Well, it's pretty good, but "Bothwell" and "thoughtful" don't really go, and the last line was too long. But it was a good original idea ...

Oh, by the way, Jig, the girl looks that way because, well, I do. Yeah, reading that bit was kind of a giveaway. :wink: When I got to the bit ...

Coolummy, it's so long! Could you post it as smaller bits? *is feeble*

I've read some of his Midnighter books -- they are Scott Westerfield's aren't they? I didn't like them much, but maybe these ones are better? I've heard of this series, ...

Post it in the Writer's Corner. That's the place for stuff like character profiles and development and what you plan to do next and all. :)

LOL! Apart from all the bad language, I liked this just as much as the first one. What I'd consider changing, apart from the all the bad language, is the ...