Twit

Pol, this is very, VERY long. That makes it difficult to read. And even skim-reading, I can see that you're still doing that thing with the capitals and full stops ...

:shock: Lummee, didn't expect that. But yes, this needs to be moved to "Fantasy". You need to space this out though; 'tis Text Chi, as Sumi says, and using it ...

There's nothing left for me to pick out here - everyone else dun it. (Sorry I didn't get to this earlier - really sorry). Really, everyone else said everything I ...

Personally - this is just me, so don't change it - I don't like the style of narrating that you've chosen. The distance from the reader and the character is ...

Havn't got time to read the chapter (very sorry) but can I crit the map? ^_^ Very good, but add more colour. At present 'tis a touch boring. You don't ...

Hmm, I really must read the first parts of this... bug me about it, will you? :) Overall, very sound and enjoyable. Just a few minor thingies. My favorite place ...

Woo. Very good, and the present tense is fine. :D "He knew that I couldn’t just let you go after you dishonored him," she continues, examining the gleaming metal in ...

What other peeps said is good... for my two cents worth, I'd advise changing the last line: The 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts' Don't matter at all, All that does matter, ...

Oh good! Slightly spooky as well. ^_^ Very good, just a minor nitpick. She wasn’t a dazzlingly beautiful woman , her shockingly pale face made up of bland features that ...

Methinketh I need to read the rest of this first... Overall, this was very good! :D Everything is very well told and believable. The only thing that leapt out and ...

Yeah, as Misty said, don't have ALL of this in chat-room format. ^_^ I find it difficult to crit something like this - no grammer or whatever :wink: - but ...

IS this your story, or your character's? ^_~ This is too short, and frankly, it doesn't have much of a point to it. Initially , I didn’t comprehend English but ...

Good! Very good, in fact. At present, the tone is pretty detatched, what with it being in first person and all, so maybe you could add a touch more emotion? ...

Nothing left for me to pick out. How sad. :( But a GREAT piece, Misty. I know that's not helpful. I really like the descriptions as she destroys everything, but ...

'Melia got everything in her wonderful nitpick, so there's nothing left for me to pick out! Except, yes, as sokool said, in the first chapter there was a bit of ...