Threnody

Another thing- Fluidity is praised in writing. Fluidity would be praised in this writing. It sounds maybe a bit frantic. Like you had to finish this story in 5 minutes. ...

Yes JC I am completely aware of this. Thank you.

P.S. If this is a more serious story, and it sounds like it is, then "buff" is not a good word choice.

And what would that project be?

Oh dear. SOMEBODY likes violence. Umm... who is supposed to be reading this? (kids, young adults, adults, super mature adults...) I suppose it would make a good movie script. Soooo... ...

I think it's good. It's intense action in the first sentence. Although I do agree with "Oneeyedunicornhunter" (name choice?) that it is a little too fast a pace. Take it ...

I think it's good. It's intense action in the first sentence. Although I do agree with "Oneeyedunicornhunter" (name choice?) that it is a little too fast a pace. Take it ...

Goodness!! That was pretty impressive. But I guess- Edward is the good guy, no? I suppose you could make it sound a bit more like that. But, I read the ...