TheWriters

I think that it is a little forced, too. Like RedBird said, it could use a little tweaking. A dance that has lasted for an eternity and that grows stronger ...

I don't know if someone has said this but... I think it would be cool if you had Edward listen to the priest's thoughts. And, I think that you should ...

I don't think the movie followed the book very well. There is no monkey girl. Mr Crepsley is not dating Truska. Darren can't flit and he doesn't have vampire spit. ...

I love the way you wrote this, but seriously I think you need to put this into more paragraphs. Your skipping from one think to another and it's kind of ...

That was sweet... but I have to agree with Captain. Maybe Callie could show a little back bone. Let's say maybe when Callie realized that it doesn't feel right she ...

Awkward! That's the first thing I have to say. To me your speech seems raged and, well, it doesn't flow. But, it's okay, it happens to me, too. Here's a ...

Okay that part with her bleeding... that's freaky. I want to read more! I noticed that some of your sentences got really choppy. I was also wondering how she opened ...

Umm... okay. First of all right now your character seems like a Mary Sue. (Mary Sue- a perfect character. In case you didn't know) To me when the characters spoke, ...

Very ... lovely. When I read this I felt like it should come later in the book, that is unless it's the base line for your book. What I want ...

Lovely! It made sense; it had the same continuing rhythm. Great job! I would put this poem down for a week or so. Then take it back up, reread it, ...

I just finished the book last night and I can't stop thinking about it! I cannot wait for the next book! I found the first book very boring until Part ...

Hum... I'll try and go easy on you. :lol: Here ane some things that caught my eye. He’s killed and hurt and tortured, But the gun is in your hand ...

When I fist started reading this a few things came to mind. *When your characters speak it seemed awkward. I suggest maybe going over it and making it seem more ...