TheEnigma

Overall, very well written. Your descriptions were nice and your characters had depth. I especially liked the tone of your MC. I agree with Rachael; the informality fits the point ...

I haven't really been keeping up with the chapters, but this was intense. I could really feel the emotion in this piece. Your use of language was original and contributed ...

Wow, this was awesome. You had me caught from the start. These guys are so totally messed up. And boy, the ending was really gory but in some twisted way ...

Okay...this was um, interesting...Some things could get explained a little better because I was really confused at certain parts. Blanket is a teddy bear, right? And how did Laurie lose ...

This was good, but I did notice you had a lot of run-ons and you often wrote "it's" as "its". Not a big deal, but you should make sure to ...

This was really good--and so creative! You used dialogue extremely well, and your descriptions were beautiful and interesting. I found myself hooked right from the start. My only small criticism ...

First off, let's get the nitpicks out of the way: The boy looked mildly disappointed, his ridiculously baggy cap sagging over one eye as he withdrew his head from the ...

This was a beautiful, realistic story. Your characters were very human and your main character's voice was very powerful. I only noticed a couple things. I saw that sometimes you ...

It's an interesting start, but do you need this prologue? It sounds like you could work a lot of these details into the first chapter just as well. She was ...

Some ones that haven't been mentioned yet, as far as I can see: 1) Incarceron, by Catherine Fisher 2) Looking for Alaska, by John Greene 3) Graceling and Fire, by ...

You had a lot of nice detail and description, and the best part was, you didn't go overboard in your paragraphs. I commend you for that. Your first chapter was ...

This is really an excellent piece. You did a great job building the characters through actions and dialogue, especially the mother. This is the kind of drama that seems like ...

Wow, you wrote this when you were nine? That's pretty impressive...but anyway, Mysty's right. There's a lot of information in here you could work into the rest of the story, ...

Really cool story. You started off really well with the back and forth between Meagan and Ernie. You characterized them both beautifully, just by having them speak. That is difficult ...

Again, like the mind talking thing, but it does get a little confusing. You have this whole conversation and you don't indicate who is saying what. Maybe add in things ...