ThanatosPrinciple

It's a very interesting story. It's got a southern swing to it, too. I think you should try to bring out the plot more than you already have. Become more ...

It's very well written, though in some places the dialogue is a little slow. It sometimes doesn't have anything to do with the plot at all. Also you might think ...

:smt041 :smt040 I thought this was well written. just a few things. You say "to" instead of "too" in the first paragraph. If you want to get something published in ...

Firstly. you aren't using all of the perceptions as much as you should (sight, smell, taste). Secondly, you should try to include more descriptive language. The writing is somewhat bland ...

I think you should find a better word for the first sentence than "quicker". It makes your story sound childish or awkward. It was also impossible to know what the ...

This is a good start. However, it was hard to understand what was going on. Also the writing was too grouped together, which made it hard to read. Another thing ...

This was so good! It was REALLY scary too, I really liked it. I don't have much to critique, however. It was very well written. I'm going to read the ...

I had a few problems paying attention while reading this. It was too bulked together: you should space it out more. Besides that it was very well written, but the ...

This had very good imagery, it was very easy to imagine their home and their situation. I think the boy's father had a very, very strange name. At first I ...

I thought it was well done but a few things confused me. One, it took me an extra minute to figure out what a "fistful of Marks" was. You should ...

This piece makes me feel like I'm spinning, round and round. I really liked it. You should work on clarity, because the poem is somewhat short, you should make it ...

It's a very good read but in the first few paragraphs I couldn't quite figure out what was happening. It was somewhat unclear. It needs a point too, however. More ...

I really liked it. Did you win the contest? You should've. I like the last few lines. Very nicely written, it's got that war quality to it. :smt068 :thud:

I think you should elaborate on who this KING is. It's a little unclear who your parents are, too. Besides that and telling and not showing, it's great! Very spooky ...

but for some reason it was a little hard to read the first time around. I think it should be a little more clear and the paragraph should be less ...