Swires

I agree it is hard to understand i can't quite put my finger on it, but it seems difficult to understand. You mean all of it, how it is written, ...

This was extremly hard to understand , so hard that i didint understand it. the discriptions were high class but you might of but too much , to make it ...

Well I have to say a nice read. I see that it is piece of the month. Well deserved*pats on back*

I just dont get the whole present tense thing. I just dont know....

Space the paragraphs and ill come and crit.

Right, I think a 3rd Person rewrite is needed. There isnt a great lot that needs changing reading it over. Thanks for the crits guys!

Nice story, I am enjoying this tale. Not a great lot of description but great story all the same.

Yeah I just used my example to demonstrate a mini combat and senses. But thats good.

I think a battle scene would be good, but home in on a battle with 2 people(your characters) as opposed to just describing the tactics. Describe the senses as well ...

*SLAPS* Your life isnt over! :D To combat it look at your plot, where do you think it is going, what is going to happen to your characters. Make a ...

Yeah, Im with TBR, I dont really get the piece.

Thanks snoink, you have some great points, its true, the man seems a bit like a cardboard cut out lol. I arnt sure what yuu mean by the prologue, you ...

Thats the answer I was looking for , thanks Twighlight. The time period isnt been given away until the second chapter. I was thinking the main story line could be ...

LOL! I meant as in history, ie Medieval etc.... Sorry I am tired and my words are coming uto rwong LOL!

Well you could say that. His entire pupose is really to symbolise death and murder, or at least what I hope he symbolises. You could say he is grim-reaper like, ...