Swires

This story is intriguing but I found it a bit "And then..." sort of style add some sensory description to add depth to the piece.

Thankyou, yes I think I am too, this is my first attempt at a novel length story so Im gradually working into a style im comfortable with. Thanks again

Yeah, its ok. Im with Snoink - THat sentence seemed a little off.

I agree with E_L, perhaps you should plot out your novel?

Thankyou

Again a good installment of this very intrigueing tale. I liked it.

Thanks again for the comments, I arnt really getting the comments about Isabel, she never once tried to save her daughter, she was frightened of the Boatman, also in previous ...

I liked it very much, I loved reading it and the plot was excellent, personally i find it more believable than the bible, as that is also a fictional book.

Yes it was a challenge on another forum.

Thanks everyone, Im glad you like it. Yes some of the grammar is alittle messey in this chapter.

Thankyou, yes the beginning is a little hard to read, and the only thing Isabel cares about is herself really and wanting to wipe out every single magic user on ...

I liked this apart from the ending, it seems a little cliched to me.

Good, interesting and I want to find out more.

LOL! Yeah with the whole swords crossing over a ball of magic thing. I take your point though,I havnt reinforced that point enough.

Yes alot better