Swires

SpeedDemon, welcome to the site however your crit was of minimal value. If you like a piece you must say why in terms of flow, characters, plot, world building and ...

This piece is small and purely objective, you show little view point of the characters and dont seem to have thought out a plot at all. A brief spell check ...

Thankyou, yes I am splitting this up to add depth to the world and time zone. At the moment is vague. "The Nurse" will become nurse. "The Judge" will become ...

I like the playdough idea. I think it juxtaposes a serious message with a fun thought and also presents the ideology an a witty way. but thats just my opinion ...

Ill agree with Dream, this was intriguing.

Short. Why bother posting it? Please actually shell out a meaty piece before bringing it for the slaughter.

Ok, what does everyone think about splitting up this to slow the story down a bit: 1 scene getting into Nurse and the world, ending with the introduction of a ...

Other crits are welcomed by anyone else who wishes to read this.....

Thankyou bubble wrapped. This story is pretty much a nice little toy I want to play with. I want to cut a town off from outside interference and watch them ...

Thank you dream deep. Yes my characterization of the nurse sucks. I felt a little objective writing her, maybe its because I don't often write in the view point of ...

I'm not, I'm wallowing in self pity lol!

Nice story, well paced and the opposite of my own purple prosian filth. I don't have anything else to add. I pronounce it Nay -ah without the J. Sort of ...

Ill get shot down for this... But this YWS fiction is getting a little sad in my opinion. I just dont find it interesting at all and everytime I see ...

Chapter one explains motive... Thanks for the criticisms. I didn't know I was that over exaggerative but Ill take what you said on board.

Ok, I didnt know I was this bad lol.... If you have read t just post brief thoughts, Im not asking for an indepth crit and analysis, just general opinions, ...