Swires

The indenting went a bit off but you get the idea.

Thanks guys. Kaykel: The formatting errors are due to me bashing this chapter out with WriteRoom. Dream: Thanks for the review of the story. Yes I did mean "suns" :) ...

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I have renamed my work now. Also I have planned out the world more and got a grip with the story as a whole. Thanks ...

Thanks Alf. I decided to start "in the middle of things" just to hook the reader into this, quite complex multi-verse I am inventing as I go along. This is ...

Hello there, I have written a detailed review and exported it in a pdf format attached to this document. At the end I have written you some general advice :)

Hi there, thank you for your time but this piece isn't supposed to be realistic. It is an experimental piece - I know how to write a naturalistic style of ...

That was a really good critique Dudette, exactly the feedback I was looking for. Scall's back history isn't present yet, for the first part of the story I wanted him ...

Again, the feedback appreciated. I know what you mean about the final couplet - it doesn't seem to flow. I'll play about with this one.

Thanks for the feedback guys. Glad you thought it was beautiful. :)

Thanks for the comments guys :)

I would be really interested in a few more crits for this story... its not that long....

bump.

Thanks again. Yeah the idea was not to make the character unique really in any way - I wanted him to be one of the hundreds who were imprisoned during ...

Thanks for the critiscism, I agree with all the pointers. More welcome.

Oh wow - All the best for Gypsies Eyes, I've been following In Thrall more than I have "Eyes." Hope to see it on Amazon within the next year :)