Swires

I dont really think this should be a prologue, as someone on Squills said, prologues should give a past background to a story, the main character should be introduced in ...

This is a giant of a story, I think you may have been better submitting in smaller chunks. Ill crit the beginning. I thought it was good and you kept ...

This was ok, I would recommend paragraphing, and also instead of explaining, describe. Ie. "the fat man" Instead of this you could work it into the story a little more. ...

I like this story muchily! :P Although I do agree with what Snoink's saying --> A mysterious character does seem loads cooler. There's nothing wrong with switching characters - or ...

"Rise and shine!" Nice starting line, abrupt dialogue and immeadiate action. There was no response. The brown haired boy wrinkled his nose and tapped his foot. “Rise and shine!” he ...

That a good story, nothing much happened but it sucked me in straight away and makes me want too see that CSI epidsoe. Do more of this or another CSI ...

Yes this was an interesting read, I agree with what the above reviewer have said, in stead of saying "I did" "I stood" et... experiment with present participles ie. "Running ...

Yes, well done and well written, intrigueing and I agree with Jig, I liked the ending too. If I am to critiscise anything I would the beginning, It was good ...

This is an interesting story and is maturly written "balanced in a crouch, his left hand resting against the trunk balancing him," repetition of balance, try adding a different verb ...

I liked it, although Ive noticed your glossary which I arnt a fan of, Ive never liked a glossary really, I like everything explained through speech, but I guess something ...

I found this ok, but some of teh workding and how you have phrased thing seems a little copmplex and confusing. I cant place my finger on a phrase, it ...

Nice story, I like the last line and it makes me want to carry on reading, the grammar is a little messy for example on the last line you missed ...

[pre]This was very good, you used good dramatic timing. For example, the one word paragraph "Poison." That alone actually drew me in to continue reading. Some things were a little ...

Sorry but dream stories are "ARGH" in my opinion, it was going so well until the end until you rushed the family bit, threw in a volcano then woke up. ...

The advisor nodded, and turned his attention back the tournament arena. Back to the tournament FULL STOP. I dont think the "arena" bit is necessary. Inside the Ilen lord was ...