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by blob

The mountains were topped with layers of white snow. Around them the grasslands swayed in the morning breeze. The sun was high in the sky by now, its yellow rays of light sparkled on the newly formed due. Flocks of red and green birds moved through the sky and

around the mountains and trees like flying rainbows.

Rube sat with his back resting on the trunk of a small lemon tree . He surveyed the Beautiful scene in front of him with a smile on his face, The breeze cooled him while the sun warmed him; The perfect combination he thought as his eyes slowly closed. The distant splashing of the waterfalls faded along with the musical tweets of birds ,and then he slept.

If Rube and his family hadn’t found this heaven on earth when they did , they would of probably died of starvation. He and his relatives were wanderers , they lived on the go, they walked on foot , they wore tattered fur coats and ate mainly rabbits. Life was tough then , the obstacles they had to pass varied from mountain chains where snow fell as though it would never stop, to strange jungles bearing even stranger creatures.

It was one of these obstacles that brought them here .An ice lake. Vast as a small sea , this obstacle would prove the hardest yet, first they tried with there bags on but every time they stepped on the frozen sheet it cracked slightly. After hours of angry debate they chose to abandon there bags , for they were to heavy . So without food , water or confidence they crossed the lake in a gamble to find a better place.

After two days of none stop walking and blisters and frost bite the lake had been conquered , They arrived at the other end to find a sight that shattered any hopes they had of a heaven. Baron boulders , and jagged mountains were every were , Grey dominated for no patches of grass or animals inhabited this place. To go back would kill them, no food meant no energy. They had one option , it wasn’t really a chance but it beat laying down and dying . They would half to hunt.

Hours were devoted to finding any sort of animal , by then a lizard stuffed with cockroaches sounded appetizing. But no animal came. Rube was desperate now, he needed food or he would die , so he abandoned the group, convinced that hunting in a pack was a stupid idea he went alone.

He climbed the huge rocks at first with agility and skill , but his lack of food made him dizzy and he now escalated clumsily gripping the boulders and dragging himself up higher and higher. After a while the weather changed, The sun glared at the rocks , the yellow light on there gray surface didn’t fit , it all looked very wrong. After a while of climbing ,He had realized he was scaling a mountain . Rube had forgotten the reason he was torturing him self , He was sweating and the freezing air made the drops of sweat ice over. He new the ground would be more likely to hold life but still he climbed . Maybe it was a subconscious act of suicide, for when he looked at the view below from the side of the mountain he saw it to be endless , the rocks and the grayness and the land life had abandoned spread out miles and miles until it was a blur of gray on the horizon.

He was now in a state of dream , climbing but not thinking . All he saw was the rocks in front of him . You could say he had gone mad. That suicide idea was now being planned in his mind, To the very top , then leap of the edge he thought. At least this way his death will be quick , no laying around while the body eats itself , first the fat , then the protein , the mussels will go and finally the nerves until there’s nothing left to consume.

The top was near now. And when he'll reach the top it'll all be over, no more pain , no more nothing He thought.

He did reach the top, and he did take one last breath before the ennevitable but as he breathed in , out of the corner of his eye he saw green , He spun around wildly , and for a second was winded by what he saw.

Rube gaped , If he took one step foward he would fall into a colosul volcano. He stood on the rim and stared down , but he did not sea red fires and bubling lava but an oasis of life . Were the magma should of been was a land of green grass , water falls, colourfull birds , gazel and dears wandering , and even two small mountains all of which were surronded by the inner walls of the volcano. Rube turned his back on the volcano, he blinked and turned to face it once more, This was a dream or an illusion he thought . But as his eyes took in the waterfalls and lush grass and the lemon trees it began to make sence.

He suddenly realised how warm he was , while he was climbing the air around him chilled and his breath misted infront of him but now , his body was warm , It was giving of heat , the volcano was supplying just the right tempreture for life to exist .

As his brain conformed the existance of this heaven he felt a surge of relief take his system , second by second he got happier and more exited about telling his family .

He gave the oasis one more look then rushed down the mountain as fast as he could, he could hardly controll his exitement now, so much that he was actually shaking.

When he finally reached the bottem he called 'LONY , JADE,GALE...' He listened , "Rube, that you" came the distant call of mother Dydl. Rube rushed to the source and stoped as he saw his family.

They were in a circle, his mother weeping , and his father attemting to reasure. His three little sisters were hudled togethar , not crying but quvering in fear , On his four brothers faces were expressions of lost hope. Grandpa was comferting his crying aunt . The three uncles were shouting at each other about whoes fault it was . And they all froze when Rube walked intothere circle with a huge grin on his face. "i've got somthing to tell you" he said trying to hold in his exitment.

Be completly honest while your writing your replies cs im going thru a severe stage of self doughting ( writers block) and any un tru comments will just mess me up more .

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798 Reviews

Points: 6517
Reviews: 798

Thu Mar 02, 2006 8:12 am
Jiggity wrote a review...

It was, for the most part, well written. At times it was easy to see that you rushed, so perhaps you should go back, go slowly through it and revise what you've done. Other than this, you've got like a million typos in here,lol, I'll come back and go over them all, pointing them oout and etc. Right now, though Ive gotta go. I'll come back, though.

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614 Reviews

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Reviews: 614

Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:41 am
Swires says...

I enjoyed it. ...though I also was looking forward to hearing more. But I rather liked the dream idea; it might have been slightly abrupt.

yes I think that coild have been it, yeah I was only expressing how I feel about dream stories, if you like it keep it in.

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446 Reviews

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Reviews: 446

Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:26 pm
Poor Imp wrote a review...


Don't edit it out. Adam merely expressed his opinion - he doesn't like dream stories. That doesn't mean it was badly done. You could fix the punctuation there at the end

Rube awoke , his dream was a reminder of how hard they had worked to find this place.

Rube and his family lived in what they named Haven peacefully , The seventeen of them were the only humans there . They had discovered it. And so life went on.

First sentence change the comma after Rube to a full stop/period. Then same thing in the second sentence/paragrpah - you've got a comma instead of full stop after peacefully and between the seventeen...

I enjoyed it. ...though I also was looking forward to hearing more. But I rather liked the dream idea; it might have been slightly abrupt.

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Points: 890
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Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:02 pm
blob says...

thankyou for bieng truthfull, it wasnt acctually a dream , he woke up in Haven . but ill take your advice and edit it out

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614 Reviews

Points: 1106
Reviews: 614

Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:12 pm
Swires wrote a review...

Sorry but dream stories are "ARGH" in my opinion, it was going so well until the end until you rushed the family bit, threw in a volcano then woke up. This could have been made so much more, before the volcano it was promising and I was looking forward to reading more. Everything after the volcano ruined it for me.

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
— Robert Frost